The Hikken Rules

The Hikken Rules
November 17, 2014 at 4:43pm
The Hikken Rules

Guysnooze interviews the Guyana Police Farce “A” Division Commander.

GSZ: Commander Hikken, I understand you issued some new guidelines to the public in an effort to reduce the rampant crime rate, could you elaborate on these?

CH: Yes, I can, let me save you some time by giving you the list and then you can ask about ones that are not clear enough for your intellect.

GSZ: (thinking to myself) (intellect eh!, like ah sparking)

CH Rules:
No crossing the road slowly when Police owned Mini-busses approaching (dem doan slow down for nobady)
All Black males should consider themselves “suspects” at all times, this is an old rule, I should not have to repeat it, if you ride a CG or have locks, cat eat yuh dinner.
Coolie men who wear Glasses and drive 4X4’s are above suspicion of any wrongdoing, should only be stopped by ranks long enough to wish dem a good day or night as the case may be.
When Police are assisting Lil Rich boys to drag race and one dies, they should immediately issue a statement saying they were “breaking up the drags” and the incident happened after they did so.
Girls/women. Ah know dis is why yuh come hey lookin’ fuh trouble, Girls and Women should only wear “Jukebox” panty, this French cut and thong thing is too provocative, it makes the men dem become wild animals, and I can tell you from personal experience, wearing dem tongs makes you walk and wine , and the lacy French ones, ooh lord, is feel like somebody caressing mih batty and mih….(pulls himself together)you get my drift? Good.
To the thieves, I urge you to “Choke N’ Rob” not “Choke N’ Stroke”
Ranks should use non-police issued rounds when firing on innocent protestors.
Anyone the Police shoot/kill, should automatically be considered a “known criminal”.
The Cathedral Girls are exempt from the Jukebox rule, the brutal crew rules apply for that sector.
Girls and Women in immoral attire should expect skepticism when reporting rape at Police Stations and would be better off calling Gidarie at Knews.
CH: any questions?

GSZ: well about the women and immoral attire, what exactly do you mean? Is that not blaming the victim?

CH: not at all. Look at you for example, walk in here with your thick sexy self, wearing those thigh hugging Khakis , all yuh buckta print out, is like you begging for Hikken baton in yuh….

GSZ: (mekking like a tree and leaves)

CH: whey uh going sexy?

* Our intrepid and traumatized reporter is now browsing the Big and Tall online store