Dr. Dabydeen and the Tomatoes

Dr. Dabydeen and the Tomatoes
July 7, 2014 at 5:08pm
Interview with Dr. Dave Dabydeen
RS: Good day Sir
DD: Doctor
RS: I am not a doctor, ya’ll people have to stop calling everybody doctor, one pair of glasses and is off to the doctor island, once and for all I ent no doctor
DD: No, no I am a doctor..
RS: what? It says here you are a Professor at Hogwarts College and have a black belt in cooking curry??? Apologies doctor (mutters) dis damm Wikipedia
DD: well just so you know I am a Doctor…
RS: fine, we are all doctors…whatever! Now Doctor, let’s talk about your literary endeavors, I understand you are an Author of several prize winning novels and poetry collections?
DD: yes I am, I won so many prizes you will have to be specific
RS: let us begin with your first novel The Intended- the story of a young Asian boy abandoned by his father in London…
DD: what about it?
RS: are you Asian?
DD: spiritually, part of me is
RS: (Groans) what about your collection of poems Slave songs, are you a singer?
DD: only at karaoke
RS: Now this one A Harlot’s Progress…don’t answer, I see that you want to leave the past in the past
DD: I thought this was about the ripe mango song?
RS: ripe……man….go?
DD: yes, Not a blade of grass by the tradewinds, I did an interview with the BBC and my interpretation has been questioned by the very writer of the song, the man must be a dullard, another producer of puppyrel to not know what his own song means .
RS: ah yes , you contended that “It’s about how, as an independent people, we have to start valuing our landscape, our local habits, our local speech….blah blah….
DD: I stand by that highly thoughtful and insightful analysis.
RS: yes, so instead of stating the obvious about pretensions to intellect etc. I wanted to ask you to interpret some other recent statements by Guyanese, it seems you have been nominated the best source for interpretations by Pravda…uhm…the Guyana Chronicle.
DD: Fire away.
RS: The “red line” referred to In Minister Manichand’s recent feral attack would usually mean that definitive action would be taken against the transgressor who crossed the line, yet the Ambassador in question was not punished or expelled, nor was his Country’s embassy shut down, can you give us an alternative explanation of the term?
DD: It is obvious that you are thinking of the term “red line” in an outdated and hysterical fashion, but in New Guyana things do not follow that path, what the Minister was really referring to is a “red line” in her experience, which would be streaks in her hair which add beauty to an otherwise plain landscape, hence she was paying the Ambassador a compliment for his work in picking up that garbage all over Georgetown.
RS: I am truly humbled by your superior intellect, now about the description by Dr. Lunchman (a real Doctor) of her statement as a “feral attack”, any thoughts?
DD: ah, you see it’s what you think you heard, but what he really said was it’s a “Ferrol” attack, Ferrol is a popular cough medicine used in Guyana and was prescribed by the good Doctor to the Minister before her speech, unfortunately she overdosed and may have sounded as if she was attacking the Ambassador when in fact she may have been high on Ferrol made by the New GPC (shameless plug, hope Bobby reading)
RS: How about the heckling and booing that supposedly took place?
DD: I can see that you are not too bright, the people of Guyana were cheering the Minister, the younger ones were saying “boo-ya” but of course you older reporters thought you were hearing old fashioned boos of derision, tut tut! Shouts of “you go, home girl!” were interpreted as “go home girl” again outdated journalist out of sync with the terms used by young blue cap wearing, bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich eating Guyanese.
RS: Bacon….lettuce….tomatoes?
DD: Yes, the acronym they use to describe themselves BLCTS is well known from the McDonalds menu.
RS: right, silly me… well I think that about sums it up, thank you for your time, catch you later alligator..
DD: yes that term derives from the wading into ponds by the Hindu Diaspora to pick Lilly leaves for religious functions at…
RS: oh just shut up!