Rip Van Winkle (GT Edition)
You have heard of Rip Van Winkle? No, no… the one dat happen in GT, when Rip run he van into Winkle motorbike and mek Winkle fall in coma, no ? well lemme tell you the story…..
It all began on April 21st 2015, yes, 20 years ago to this day! , Winkle did drinking, Rip did drinking and in a most unusual accident , two drunk man crash up! Musse the fus time it ever happen, we see one drunk man crash into sober man, two sober man mek nuff accident, but mih neva se two man come outta dem cyar and she…you drunksh, anyway, back to the story, suh Winkle wake up lass week and I been carrying he ‘bout the place fuh reclimatize he, well banna, dis man like he come from a different planet, is everything he wan know ‘bout, from the time he wake up is questions.
Winkle: Doctor, how long I been sleeping?
Doctor: I is a nurse, Nurse Bowen to you,but yuh been asleep since 2015 and is 2035 now.
Winkle: oh gawd, lass thing I remember is a good session with the boys dem, we did trying fuh figure who gwine win the election.
Nurse: the lass election?
Winkle: no, this would be about five elections ago, I think in 2015
Nurse: haha bai, dat was the lass election, the great and revered collation won led by the all wise and benevolent maximum founder leader Cde. Greenshirt may his blessed soul rest in peace.
Winkle: but how come? Ahm wha did happen?
Nurse: well when Berry cuss our sainted lady of the hospitals and din get fire the tide turn and the collation won, look the hospital sign deh, the hospital yuh deh in name after she?
Winkle: look I bounce mih head, but this is public hospital not no new place, and wha is the name deh , Lint Free Haspital? so who is president now?
Nurse: 007 heself, is sheer action now, doan seh I seh, but the education system tek a hit , now instead of jaguar led by jackass, we is all jackass, you will find out, you got to go for re-education classes starting tomorrow.
Winkle: James Bond is de bossman, artite, but classes? at me age? Yuh musse mad, who seh suh?
Nurse: The Minister of Fucking Culture and Re-education, Cde. Rueful Johansen. Is arders, yuh ent gat choice, in fact none ah we ent gat choice.
……………………………………………………………………………
Teacher: Marning class, today we welcome Mr. Winkle who is retarded and is….(interrupted)
Winkle: who retarded? Yuh tek yuh fuckin’ eye pass me? If ah was 20 years younger ah would beat yuh skunt, oh ..ahm, sorry children, I didn’t mean to use bad language..
Boy1: is ok man, is only fucking idiots doan cuss, in fact the minister seh, is good to cuss an ting..
Winkle: (under he breath) like I dead an’ gane to hell..is wha’ story is dis…
Teacher: now class it is time for your first class, Writing for Prizes, so Who wants to tell us about the book assignment, Adrianne and whaeva’ by our glorious Minister of Fucking Culture and Skunt?
Girl1: Well sor, yuh see Adrian was waiting for a mini-bus and he…(interrupted)
Girl2: Adriane is a boy?
Teacher: doan look at me… Is ya’ll had to read it, well class? Was Adriane a bai or gayl?
Boy2: ahm, teacher we just don’t fucking know, half me pages missing, me mother does use this book fuh toilet paper, shortages yuh know.
Winkle: wait, dem stop print kranicle? Look teacher, how ‘bout we go outside and play lil cricket or something, exercise of body sound better than trying fuh find out if Adriane did scratching he balls or she pattacake while waiting fuh minibus yeh, suh leh we go outside nah.
Teacher: is really a coma you bin in fuh true, we doan play sports nuh mo in dis country, we replace it with Guyana prize events, everyting is about prizes and freeness, if yuh gat patience fuh sit in the minister waiting room dem does give yuh a prize fuh doing duh, if yuh like cuss an’ carry on, dem gat nuff prize fuh dat too, dese lil chirren have to learn this book by heart and den try fuh write a shart story for entry into the grand Guyana Prize competition against the fucking Minister himself, so far nobody else ent win, but we hoping for another child prodigy to come along.
Winkle: ow gawd, ah no ah was never ah alter bai, but ah begging yuh, tek mih outta this hell….what de ass? Is jus’ suh yuh does get blackout?
Class: Teacher Ajay! Teacher Ajay! Seh it fuh we nah, jus dis lass time….
Teacher: GPL Skunt!
class laughs and laughs and laughs......
* This was published as a Facebook note on April 15th, I am now synchronizing blog and notes.
It all began on April 21st 2015, yes, 20 years ago to this day! , Winkle did drinking, Rip did drinking and in a most unusual accident , two drunk man crash up! Musse the fus time it ever happen, we see one drunk man crash into sober man, two sober man mek nuff accident, but mih neva se two man come outta dem cyar and she…you drunksh, anyway, back to the story, suh Winkle wake up lass week and I been carrying he ‘bout the place fuh reclimatize he, well banna, dis man like he come from a different planet, is everything he wan know ‘bout, from the time he wake up is questions.
Winkle: Doctor, how long I been sleeping?
Doctor: I is a nurse, Nurse Bowen to you,but yuh been asleep since 2015 and is 2035 now.
Winkle: oh gawd, lass thing I remember is a good session with the boys dem, we did trying fuh figure who gwine win the election.
Nurse: the lass election?
Winkle: no, this would be about five elections ago, I think in 2015
Nurse: haha bai, dat was the lass election, the great and revered collation won led by the all wise and benevolent maximum founder leader Cde. Greenshirt may his blessed soul rest in peace.
Winkle: but how come? Ahm wha did happen?
Nurse: well when Berry cuss our sainted lady of the hospitals and din get fire the tide turn and the collation won, look the hospital sign deh, the hospital yuh deh in name after she?
Winkle: look I bounce mih head, but this is public hospital not no new place, and wha is the name deh , Lint Free Haspital? so who is president now?
Nurse: 007 heself, is sheer action now, doan seh I seh, but the education system tek a hit , now instead of jaguar led by jackass, we is all jackass, you will find out, you got to go for re-education classes starting tomorrow.
Winkle: James Bond is de bossman, artite, but classes? at me age? Yuh musse mad, who seh suh?
Nurse: The Minister of Fucking Culture and Re-education, Cde. Rueful Johansen. Is arders, yuh ent gat choice, in fact none ah we ent gat choice.
……………………………………………………………………………
Teacher: Marning class, today we welcome Mr. Winkle who is retarded and is….(interrupted)
Winkle: who retarded? Yuh tek yuh fuckin’ eye pass me? If ah was 20 years younger ah would beat yuh skunt, oh ..ahm, sorry children, I didn’t mean to use bad language..
Boy1: is ok man, is only fucking idiots doan cuss, in fact the minister seh, is good to cuss an ting..
Winkle: (under he breath) like I dead an’ gane to hell..is wha’ story is dis…
Teacher: now class it is time for your first class, Writing for Prizes, so Who wants to tell us about the book assignment, Adrianne and whaeva’ by our glorious Minister of Fucking Culture and Skunt?
Girl1: Well sor, yuh see Adrian was waiting for a mini-bus and he…(interrupted)
Girl2: Adriane is a boy?
Teacher: doan look at me… Is ya’ll had to read it, well class? Was Adriane a bai or gayl?
Boy2: ahm, teacher we just don’t fucking know, half me pages missing, me mother does use this book fuh toilet paper, shortages yuh know.
Winkle: wait, dem stop print kranicle? Look teacher, how ‘bout we go outside and play lil cricket or something, exercise of body sound better than trying fuh find out if Adriane did scratching he balls or she pattacake while waiting fuh minibus yeh, suh leh we go outside nah.
Teacher: is really a coma you bin in fuh true, we doan play sports nuh mo in dis country, we replace it with Guyana prize events, everyting is about prizes and freeness, if yuh gat patience fuh sit in the minister waiting room dem does give yuh a prize fuh doing duh, if yuh like cuss an’ carry on, dem gat nuff prize fuh dat too, dese lil chirren have to learn this book by heart and den try fuh write a shart story for entry into the grand Guyana Prize competition against the fucking Minister himself, so far nobody else ent win, but we hoping for another child prodigy to come along.
Winkle: ow gawd, ah no ah was never ah alter bai, but ah begging yuh, tek mih outta this hell….what de ass? Is jus’ suh yuh does get blackout?
Class: Teacher Ajay! Teacher Ajay! Seh it fuh we nah, jus dis lass time….
Teacher: GPL Skunt!
class laughs and laughs and laughs......
* This was published as a Facebook note on April 15th, I am now synchronizing blog and notes.
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