Crime and Punishment

Crime and Punishment

Teacher: Class today’s topic is Crime and Punishment, we will have short discussion and then we will form groups to find and present solutions to the problem, understood?

Class: yes teacher Bryan…

Teacher: Crime has been on the rise, serious crime, I want you to consider the following factors in your discussions , youth, opportunities, jobs, morality, Guyana police, organized crime, white collar crime, petty crime, jamzone ticket prices and of course pokey prices, local and foreign. Groups are same as last assignment, Previous Party in Power , Confused Electorate and All Party Now Under A  Fuckin’ Curfew  Any questions?

Fingers(PPP): sor, we doan want Donald in we group no more.

Teacher: what! Last week you nominated him to be school president and this week you want to boot him out? What is the reason?

Jaggy(PPP): he ears hard, he doan listen, or at least he doan listen to me.

Fingers(PPP): yeah, an’ he does lose stuff, pen, pencil, exercise book and lass wek he loss the elections…

Teacher: Ok, but where can we put him?

GSZ(CE): how about dat pasture out dare sor?

Teacher: well Donald ..it is a democracy.. mek yuh heights in the pasture, I hope it is greener… Curfew party , any questions?

APNUAFC: No sor, we got dis covered, we already forming a committee to deal with the problem.

Teacher: Excellent, I will leave you to your discussions.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Past Party in Power (PPP) meeting

Fingers: bannas , wha’ ya’ll think?

Jaggy: Fuck dem, dis is nah we problem, me major is economics and ebonics , me ent know one skunt ‘bout this, in we day we used to shoot thief man, now all dem doing is ketching whore and locking up policemen, who lef’ fuh stop thiefman?

Berry: they should slap all thiefman

Jaggy: somebody should slap you skunt, how he get in hay? He shoulda be in the pasture wid Donald

Fingers: look , leh we see wha dem curfew banna come up wid an’ den criticize duh, now leh we go pitch two marble.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

All Party Now Under  A Fuckin’ Curfew (APNUAFC) meeting

Nagas: I herby bring dis meeting to order

Greenshirt: who tell you you could chair dis meeting? Look ketch a seat and leh big man do dey wuk. Meeting will come to order.

Greenish: I thought we already had a committee looking at the problem, why ya’ll need me here…

Greenshirt: well I need suggestions from the floor on the crime problem facing the nation.

Woofert: (looking at the floor) I ent seeing nothing deh chief, it would help if yuh tell we wha it look like, is notes or something?

Greenshirt: (mutters) ..weed again an' suh early in dee marnin… look any of ya’ll got any suggestions?

Rolex: ahm, we could do mashramani every month, crime goes down during mashramani..

Moustachio: if we leff it up to rolex every holiday would be mash, Independence day wasn't enough…

Greenshirt: but do you have any suggestions? I already gave mine which is to form a committee to select a committee to investigate the possible outcomes of a Commission of Inquiry given the unique circumstances we are faced with due to declining morality.

Rumjattan: I sailin' pun dis ting, dem ent got cheat notes ? like in law school? … if ya’ll give me some money from the treasury I could buy a clue…

Patto: look..leh we cut the bullshit, why we doan form a committee to ask teacher Bryan for the answer, after all he white he mus’ got some answers, we could write a letter, yuh know, Dear Mr.Hunt…

Greenshirt: Agreed ! we will form a committee to write dis letter at once! , now who went to QC?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Confused Electorate meeting

GSZ: I say we write a booklet on crime prevention.

Dex: jus’ doan use the word ‘cockroach”, dem maskita would mek yuh life miserable…pests stick together...I think dem got a union.

Hoppy: we could include a section on shooting to kill and how to electrify a fence.

GSZ: capital ideas…hmm, how about capital punishment for capital crimes… hang dem high skites!

Hoppy: hang dem twice! 

GSZ: free the whores, pardon the policemen, lock up the criminals…

Dex: it only gat one solution.....when is the nex’ election?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

* Our editor is out looking for evidence of a downturn in the economy, but he keeps reporting that GT like a ghost town, nope! no evidence in dat!