No News IS News!
Scene: Guysnooze Editor’s Office
ED: Boys and Girls, what the hell going on? None of you have
filed a story in days? Like ya’ll feel party card gon save yuh wuk, nat here! Nat
here! Hurmphhh!
Reporter G: buh bassman, how yuh could unfare we suh, nobody
ent doing nuttin’, PPP sarchin’ fuh a leader an’ the guvament minister dem
quiet like church mice, dem ent doing nuttin! , well the broom lady ketch some
whores…buh we done report duh an' since the wata gane down, Patto tek aff he lang booths and cock up he foot pan the desk, nobady else ent doin' nuttin!
ED: well , uhm, yuh might have a point, while yuh was sniveling
I was using the google, it seems INews, younews, newsnow, newsource,
guynewsmedia, maskita, marbunta and all ah dem deh in the same sauce, nobady
ent gat nuttin fuh report, Mosley like he scratchin' he balls, he drawin' pitcher of people pun brown bag…hmmm..Suggestions….
Lady Reporter: how ‘bout we call all the other news services
and ask how the lack of news affecting dem?
ED: How about you go mek some sandwich (is how she get on
hey?) Look, ya’ll got to be more proactive, the President went pun a secret
mission fuh meet Obama, an’ nat a peep from none ah ya’ll?
Reporter M: what! Eds , yuh is a boss! We can Kerry dat
scoop! We might even get tek up by one of dem fancy news service , roiters or
AP! If Neil marks can do it, so can we!
ED: bai! Siddung! I was jus’ sharing a hypocritical, dat may
or may not have happened! Your job is to pose the question so dat somebody feels
compelled to anser it!
Reporter G: so we gah mek stuff up? How about we call dem
Minister an’ see wha dey doing?
ED: all ah dem busy tryin’ fuh fine out wha wuz in the PPP
pot, who get wha’ , fuh how much, who uncle aunty brother drivin’ Benz in de
states, who gat nice house, dem is new crimes…dem ent know ‘bout hard wuk an’
margauge.
Lady Reporter: so? You know if Michelle was with Obama wen
he meet Presi? , any idea wha’ shoes an’ dress she wuz wearing…my readers wud
wan know!
ED: Dear Lord, is why yuh givin’ me more burdens dan a man
cud handle! Jesus take the wheel and while yuh drivin’…see if yuh could knack
down dis woman…. Ease mih pressure lil bit. Ahm..to answer your question, why
not write an article about what Michelle should wear if she meet we good
comrade President.
Reporter: Obama Meets Guyana President in War Council?
ED: ah…somebody thinkin’…now go forth and write…. Meeting done,
pass dem sandwich out.
* We have been raked over the coals for the obvious sexism
on display above, but since it’s all fiction (except the Obama meeting?) we suggest those offended, go forth and fight the sexism that exists in the real world.
Were it possible…..
Guysnooze has noted with alarm the swift move by the APNCF
Government to backtrack on promises made on the campaign trail, recently
Minister of Re-education Cde. Woofert had this to say about H.E Greenshirt’s
campaign promise to make Teachers the best paid civil servants… “were it
possible, we would do it but…..” this reckless exercise of power instead of
promise has not gone un-noticed and many are getting in on the act, the
following incidents have been reported to our Editor in the last 24 hours…..
A man tell a whore “Were it possible, I would pay you, but I
done break”
A customer had a hearty meal at Uncle Tight& Sweet
(sound like hookers involved ent?) and then stated “Were it possible, I would
pay for the meal, but it is your fault, you give me the food fus, now me belly
full, I doan need you no mo”
Guysnooze apologizes to Minister of Citizenry and mash, we
suggested that he was lax in granting status and passports to Golden jags
quartet, after seeing dem play, we would like to tell the man we sorry and
suggest he tek back the passport dem, was like watching Waste Indies play
football….
The DPI “Eggball” Khan clarified that his title means
Director of Public Irrigation, or we pee on your stuff then light it up and
watch it burn.
*editor's note: we hate slow news days, is really Guysnooze out hey!
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