Family Feud (GT Edition)

Family Feud (GT Edition)

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to The Family Feud, GT Edition, let’s meet the families, first it’s the family from Robb Street, the Freedom House Posse and the current champions the Congress Place Crew, I am your host , Ms. Big Belly , let’s get a big welcome to the Feud!

We all know how this works, I ask a question and the top five answers are hidden on the board, good luck to all contestants.

Ok, each team has a representative at the podium, first to hit the buzzer get first chance to guess the answers, first up for the freedom posse is Mr. Rotee, tell us a bit about yourself, why do they call you Goatman? “is cause a goat bite me and I lied and said no goat ent bite me” ….I see…and for the congress crew its Dr. Nutten, yes? “yes, the calls me nutten cause I dozent see nutten, I dozent hear nutten and I dozent knows nutten about no bond” …well, glad to have such a bright fellow on the show, now for the first question “we asked 100 people for the solution to our porous borders that allow persons like Roger and Barry to escape? … BZZZZ , ok Dr. Nutten, you go first.

Dr. Nutten: Hold a Commission of Inquiry

Big Belly: show me ‘hold a COI”

NZZZNT

BB: not in the top five answers, control passes to Goatman, tell us something people would say is a solution for our Porous borders.

Rotee: Fire Rumjaguar!

BB: show us... Fire Ramjaguar!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

BB: ok , Freedumb fambily , you are on the board with the fifth most popular answer, now

Let’s meet the other members of the family, Dr. Earth Champion, can you tell us something that would keep the borders secure?

Dr. EC: we could put the Guys Doing Fuckall to guard it.

BB: show us ... "Let the GDF earn its bread"

NZttttzzz!

BB: sorry, no one has faith in those guys, Mrs or is it Mizz. Gayle? Name something that keeps the criminals in Guyana.

Mz. Gayle: I need a cigarette and the speaker knows that the HAPNU crew can’t control their dicks much less the borders, so "Nothing" is my answer.

BB: show me.... "Nothing"

DING! DING! Ding!

BB: it’s the top answer,Freedom family, you have the lead, now Berry-Berry, what would you say is something that can be done?

Berry Berry: we could punish those who try fuh get across illegally.

BB: show me... "Slap and Strip"

NTXZZZZZ!

BB: you have two strikes, another strike and the Congress Crew gets a chance to steal, so Infant Oily, tell me something that can be done for the border?

Infant: we could throw a big duck curry and rum lime to keep people from leaving!

BB: “show me ... "Duck and Daru”

NTXXZZZ!!

BB: third strike, now GreenShirt, you have control and a chance to steal, name us one thing that people say will help make our borders less porous…. You can consult with your family….

GreenShirt: no need for consultation, the answer is …. Hold a Commission of Inquiry!

BB:  Show me ....“Hire Some Cronies”

NTZZZ! NTZZZ! NTZZZ!

BB; well there you have it, freedom posse wins the first round, the other answers were … ‘Not much’, ‘Who kay and ‘Shoot Dey Skunt’ ….. but… do not be disheartened points double in the next round, send a contestant up please.

BB: ready? We asked 100 people what they thought the main causes of crime in Guyana were, top five answers on the board…..

BZZZZ!

BB: GreenShirt, your answer?

GS: Not enough church attendance.

BB: show me ...“Losing Faith”

DING! DING ! Ding!

BB: it’s number five, so you must be feeling good, now, Rumjaguar…your answer?

RJ: Nightclubs.

BB: show us “Party and Dancing”

NTIZZ!

BB: well it looks like the people don’t think nightclubs are a problem, Ok congress family, that’s only one strike , Cde. Rolex can you tell us one of the reasons for crime in Guyana?

Cde. Rolex: well ahm, er…Bits & Shams shows at the Stadium!

(Congress family claps)

BB: I got to watch you, sharper than you look, show me….. “Concerts!”

DING!! Ding!

BB: great going Congress crew,that was the number 4 answer, now … Amnah is it or is it Amnot? Anyways, name a cause of crime

Amnah: I-phone 7!

BB: show me …I-phone 7.

Ding Ding Ding

BB: number three answer is I-phone, U-phone and We-phone.

BB: top 2 answers on the board, Mr. Mustachio, name a cause of crime…

Cde. Mustachio: picking fare…I mean Prostitution!

BB: well, nothing like drawing from your own experiences eh?… show us “Whoring”

NTZZZZ!

BB: that’s two strikes Congress crew, one more and Freedumb posse gets a chance to steal for the win…no pressure, wha’ dee Mudder…….. medic  …medic!!!, please take the old man there in the corner to hospital , he just collapsed, yeh hold Holder tighter, …. Ok, order please, now Cde. Greenish, we haven’t heard from you in a long time, ….no I din see you there , yuh kinda short,..anyways ..name a cause of crime…

Greenish: brucks, people commit crime when they brucks.

BB: Show me “Broke Ass People”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

BB: The number two answer! Fantastic team Congress….now quiet please with only the top answer on the board, tell me GreenShirt, what is the number one cause of crime in Guyana?

GS: Lack of entrepreneurial drive, no fry breadfruit businesses.

BB: if you say so…show me “Cannot Cook”

NTZZZZ!!!!

BB: well it would seem the population does not agree with you on this fry breadfruit thing granddad, now …Freedom posse, I want you to consult each other and give me one answer as to the number one cause of crime in Guyana…

Dr. Champion: we doan need to consult, we are confident it is the economic abyss that we have been thrown into by the hapnu geriatrics.

BB: ok, let’s see .... Burnhamonics!

NTZZZZ!!!

BB: that is incorrect, the correct answer is CORRUPTION , top to bottom, well Congress crew you win again! …amazing none of you two families thought Corruption was a leading cause of crime, moral decay at the top trickles down to the bottom quickly… Now Congress crew, it’s time for the Fast money round.

You know how this works, two members of your team are chosen, one waits in the soundproof booth while the other tries to get the top answers to questions, then the second person tries and the aim is to get to 200 points. Greenshirt will wait in the booth while Amnah answers first.

BB: name something you do after you have been robbed.

AM: Call a Commission of Inquiry.

BB: name a famous Guyanese from history.

Am: Burnham.

BB: name a place you go to be entertained.

Am: Alpha…ah mean ….the Seawall.

BB: name a traditional Guyanese dish.

Am: Pepperpot.

BB: name a famous Guyanese singer.

AM: Eddy Grant

BB: well done Amnah, your points will appear by your answer on the board below

Amnah	Points	GreenShirt	POINTS
Commission Of Inquiry	0
Burnham	48
(Alpha?) Seawall	25
Pepperpot	32
Eddy Grant	47
Total	152

BB: well GreenShirt, your team mate has done very well, you only need 48 points to take home the prize money, remember if you hear the buzzer, give another answer, you may pass and come back to it, you have sixty seconds on the clock, good luck!

BB: name something you do after you have been robbed.

GS: Call a Commission of Inquiry.

NtZZZ!!

GS: pass, who would dare rob me?

BB: name a famous Guyanese from history.

GS: Burnham!

NtZZZ!

GS: Pass ..there are no other great Guyanese.

BB: name a place you go to be entertained.

GS: The National Cultural Center

BB: name a traditional Guyanese dish.

GS: Pepperpot.

Ntzzz!

GS: cow-heel soup.

BB: name a famous Guyanese singer.

AM: Shermain Blackmen.

BB: wow! Lets take a look at the board now.

Amnah	Points	GreenShirt	Points	Top Answer
Commission Of Inquiry	0	Pass	0	Call Child-father / 75
Burnham	48	Pass	0	Cheddi /49
(Alpha?) Seawall	25	National Cultural Center	24	Parliament /51
Pepperpot	32	Cow-heel Soup	23	Church’s Chicken/42
Eddy Grant	47	Shermain Blackmen	0	Lisa Punch / 55
Sub-Total	152	Sub-total	47
Total		152+47		199

BB: so close, not to worry, Congress crew gets $10 a point and return next week to face off against challengers ‘Gecon Staff”..until then, this is Big Belly wishing you a good night.

*the show was not aired due to management’s concern about the tightness of Ms.Big Belly’s clothing.