Clinton V Trump: Celebrity Death Match!
The second American electoral debate is in the books, with
no clear winner indicated in the polls, the candidates have agreed to a
“celebrity death-match” for those
unaware of the format, please take a time machine to a happier simpler period
in history where not many fucks were given about anything… or youtube…yes
youtube may be simpler.
We join celebrity announcer Trevor Noah for the
introductions, “welcome to celebrity death match, in the Blue Corner fighting
for the Jackass party, it’s the indestructible Hillary, and in the Red Corner …wait,
what are you doing?” …we are sorry folks but Trevor Noah just had his work
permit revoked and he has been deported to native South Africa, we are calling
this opening salvo a win for Trump… the candidates circle each other warily, it’s
Clinton who jabs first, she throws Trump’s tax returns at his head, he’s hit! And
he goes beserk!!! “that’s a billion you and Obama never got to waste on the
Blacks and Latino Hispanics” he snarls, Clinton seizes the opportunity to ask
the judges to show trump the ‘HATE’ card, Justice Scalia declines her request ‘we
all have an ethnicity madam, it’s not hate if you point that out’ he remarks, Trump
is still reeling however and is leaning on the ropes, Clinton charges in
delivers a sharp kick to the shins, Trump falls to his knees, she shouts ‘you’re
not going to grab this pussy, Donald! …Trump reels from that kick in the nads…That’s
got to hurt folks!
Trump crawls back to his corner, oh my god! His corner-man
Paul Ryan has left his post and is heading out of the arena, and he’s taking
some others with him, Ryan is bristling with righteous indignation, the crowd
is booing and all hell is breaking loose, That is a serious bitch move right there!...meanwhile...Bill has joined Hillary and is
putting the boot to The Donald, and the late night comedians are joining in! ,
it’s Dogpile on the rabbit folks, and in the middle of all this Donald has
tweeted and it’s in code “It’s 3 am and I must be lonely @therealdonaldtrump” …is
he a Matchbox20 fan? What the heck…
Here’s
Sean Hannity coming to the ring, is he going to help Trump? ..wait..he’s just
standing there, ‘hey Hannity,what are you doing here?” “waiting for someone to
ask me if Donald agreed with the war in Eye-rack” … well he’s no help, the
blows keep pouring in, Bill just bit him on the cankle, and we all know how
much Bill loves his cankles, oh the humanity, they have ripped Trump’s suit
off, his pants are in shreds, Hillary has his balls in her icy grip, will someone
not throw in the towel? … but wait… someone has rushed into the arena and he’s
packing a serious arsenal, the light hits him, omg! It’s Ambassador Stevens…
well his mutilated corpse anyways and he looks mad as hell! …. He’s shooting
Trumps attackers, they are falling by the wayside, he is screaming “it’s 3 am ,
answer the fucking phone bitch!” … there goes Bill’s dick, I guess he should
have kept it in his pants, pow! pow! Hillary has taken fire but she’s still
standing, she grabs Mohamed’s Teddy Bear and hits Stevens, his head flies off,
he’s out of this fight…. Trump is
getting to his feet also, these two candidates are like the cockroaches that
survive nuclear winters, indestructible!!! … The crowd had gone wild,
pandemonium has ensued, fights are breaking out all over the arena, the
#blacklivesmatters folks are fighting the #allliesmatter folks, the blacks, who
really enjoy being called ‘the blacks’ are wrassling with the Whites, Latino
Hispanics are pushing regular Hispanics, the bell rings, it’s a draw…. It’s back to debating , see you on the 19th October Folks. Goodnight.
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