The Protest Shop
When one door closes another opens, this was the sage advice
from my Advisor on Business Shady Beekay , me did done know dah so me resind he
skunt, it is no secret that my business ‘Robin’s Mala Shop’ http://guysnooze.blogspot.com/2015/07/robins-mala-shop.html
has been faring badly under the new dispensation, we did do okay wid our Yellow
and Green line but our old customers at the Previous Powerful Party made nuff
bassa bassa an’ dat get shut dunk, Mala nah sell like beforetime, and as such
we did market research to identify trends and possible viable business ideas.
We would like to announce the Grand Opening of The Protest Shop! Got a problem? No problem
maan… just get a group of friends and go protest, problems will go away, and
dis way cheaper than obeahman an’ pandit, no ciggrits or tequila needed, no
need to break eggs and bathe in sea, jus’ come on down to The Protest Shop
(where the old mala shop uses to be) we will not ‘jaray’ you wid the price!
Molested? Get the Red Thread special, comes with 12 pre-made
signs, umbrellas and matching t-shirts, all you need is people. Accused of
molesting some pickneys? We know it will be hard to find friends to assist, we
will provide ready-made protestors for you, we have people who will march,
sing, dance, and declare your innocence for a few frecks! But you need to book
early some of our protest crew have other jobs as Ministers an’ ting.
Have you been fucking up on the job? Afraid the axe will
swing? No worry, we can have protestors outside of your Boss’s office in a
jiffy, for a small extra we will include a few school aged children and
pregnant women, this Un-fire crew will keep you in the gravy for the
foreseeable future, ask about our #savehardman plan
Protestors outside you office demanding you do nothing? Even
as you do nothing this can reflect badly on your perception of strength, so hit
back with a counter-protest, we had one case where government supporters were protesting
both for and against the same thing, what splendid confusion! No one knew which
side of the road to stand on, the police were clueless on who to beat, The
President took one look and beat out through a side gate. Ask for the #volda
special.
No issue is too small or too large for our shop, Team just
won a world championship but have a grouse? We can advise on proper protest
protocol, foot on desk is a no-no… Lost an election and you suspect fraud? Same
package available #champion
Imprisoned and treated unfairly? No meat in yuh rice, only
skin in the curry, GTT & Digicel charging too much for credit? Always
the bottom and never the top? Ask about the chill package , a blend of soothing
herbs to make life bearable or the nuclear option of a flammable jumbo mattress.
#herbs #fire
Yes, folks, we got it lock! Leave your enemies speakless
with your audacity , our team of North Korean trained propaganda experts will
have you on top of the problem in no time. Ask for Dee Protest Instigator or
any of his capable staff. Coverage guaranteed
by local newsrags , packages include photo-shopped crowds of supporters, images
of you flying kites with presidents and other big-wigs. You will become a VIP in
no time flat, soon you will be invited to diplomatic soirees and be able to
swill free liquor in copious quantities. See the #celebritypokey plan.
*Seriously,what kind of government protests itself?
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