Daft Code of Conduct

Daft Code of Conduct

Guysnooze has scooped dem all again! , we have obtained the new Daft Code of Conduct for Ministers agreed to at yesterdays’ cabinet meeting, reprinted below:

New Daft Code of Conduct for Guvment Ministers #69

1. Dealing with the Press

1.0 If and when you fuck up, avoid dey skunt!

1.1 If reporters brackle you, tell dem  “Because fuck you that’s why”

1.2 Call The Protest Shop for the ‘tek in front” plan and protest dey skunt!

1.3 Call other Ministers and ask dem to back you up, requires you to share some of the ‘ting’.

1.4 Sharing is Caring , we are a caring guvment.

1.5 Level Expert Only!!!:  Engage in ‘Lunchanese’

2. Corruption Guidelines

2.0 Don’t get ketch

2.1 No fucking selfies on plivate jets  #skinup

2.2 Answer all questions “what money? ...I knows nothing”

2.3 Screen carefully for Cochores

2.4 Avoid thiefin’ petty shit like ol’ cyar and free gas, don’t be a Jenny-ass.

2.5 Inform the President of any ‘business’ appointments etc. #leffhan/ritehan

3. Sex, Lies and Videotape

3.0 Disregard advice of ‘she who will not be named’   Don’t fuck family pickney!

3.1 If you feel Rapey, look at the pickcha of Amnah in ur wallet  #killnature

3.2 It is inappropriate to greet comrades with “wen lass yuh fork ah ting wid a tongue ring?” #mustachio

3.3 Under no circumstance should you be in a room alone wid Lil Johnny #hon.eli.lockhat

3.4 Try not to recommend chile molesters fuh anything…

3.5 Do not put yuh Sweet ‘oman dem on the payroll.

4. Miscellaneous

4.0 In a PR jam, make reference to sinister plots.

4.1 Do not disclose that the guvment paying 500K to rent house for you.

4.2 To deflect criticism or blame, use a name from the Scapegoat list (see appendix A).

Appendix A

Scapegoat List

GCB: Guyana Crooked Bored, has few friends but beware venomous letter writing secretariat.

GECON: (Warning) Chairman can match Confucius or Lunchman in a battle of twisty tongue.

NISIL: Non trusted organization, can be blamed for any financial fuck-up.

GPHell:  Any mention of this entity will distractify populace instantly. Winner of most unpopular entity ever for the last 5 decades.

CARICON: Waste of time and money, useless overpaid skunts.