Guysnooze Editor to Chronicle in shocker!

Guysnooze Editor to Chronicle in shocker!

The Guysnooze news agency today lost its chief editor to government controlled Chronicle newspaper in what can only be described as a ‘shocker’, the first edition under this new dispensation is now out on newsstands today, The Sunday Chronicle of 4/3/2016 is a game changer. Below are highlights of the new “Creole Cranicle” editorial direction.

Sonday Cranicle

Headlines

Voldamort says Councilor Softing not habitual child molester, “he said it was so good he hit it twice, but only that one time.”

Windies Captain not offended by being left out of “Champion” song but longest serving west indies 12^th man, Rollan Holeher takes umbrage. “Fetching water for Viv was not easy, he drinks like a horse”

Rotee Claim DJ Bravo’s “Champion” song racist as no mention made of “Champion of the Earth” or any other Indos, latinos or other Ghanaians.

Classifieds

Wanted: Girls to ‘work,work,work,work work’ …. no real work required. Call 1-800-HEARUX 

Vacancy: One fotochop expert, must be able to manipulate images and provide high res DPI ( Dots Per Inch) works of artful spin that show Unity.

Wanted: One Minister of Presidense, must know his/her place, must be willing to follow orders and work within power structure, no experience necessary, mouth must be smaller than foot.  friends of BK need not apply.

For sale: Chinese multiple use condoms, good for fcking Guyanese and provides protection from unwanted scrutiny, compliance and repossession of assets. 

Invitation for Tender: New fans for Ministries of Presidency, Social protection, specifications Teflon blades, poop-proof sealed motors, must be impervious to sudden high intensity short duration shit-storms. Successful bidder will be required to dispose of previous soiled fans.

Movies

Drama: The Runner Stumbles: Follow our hero Uncle Joe and his entourage as they tour China, but will the revelations of the Kachar crew back home have disastrous consequences???

Family:  Hairy Patta and the Family Secrets: In this sequel to the Prisoner of Azkaban, Voldamort battles with goons from Red Thread over Hairy Patta’s claims of molestation.

Editorial

Sex, lies and audio-tape

The Freddy tapes of Cde. Joggman are absolutely bogus, Freddy is well known for mekking stuff up, this newspaper is reliably informed that Cde. Greenshirt never met with accused child molester in Kingston and that at no time did they hatch a plot to form a third party to attract traditional PPV supporters and then betray them with an ungodly alliance. “absolute rubbish as usual from Fredswhal, such a sinister plot would surely have come to light before now” said one inside source from his business trip in China, in fact it seems like is not me alone they plotting against!. To this newspapers knowledge no tapes of the alleged meeting exist, not even in little Johnny’s wildest imagination. Such deception as alleged by the columnist would rock the very foundations of political life in Guyana and we would doubt that trust would ever again be place in politicians. (editor’s note: what trust?)

Press release: Ministry of the Presidency: The appointment of the Guysnooze editor has been rescinded with immediate effect.