Shawn Blinds Exclusive (almost)
The Guysnooze News Agency blew it big time, we had the scoop
and let it slip through our fingers, well here is how it went….
Reporter: Chief , somebody at the front desk, he seh he will
only talk to you.
GSZ: wha he name and wha he want, axe nuh….
Reporter; Chief, he seh he name Shawn Blinds and he want to
talk about clearing he name…
GSZ: Is Sam son?... He ent gon done wid this domestic
violence? Look me ent got time fuh no man who does hit woman, nat even if he is
Obama son.
Reporter: Chief,
Obama only gat daughter…
GSZ: whaeva, sen’ he
way , tell he I indisposed..
Reporter: Chief , he say he is the Hitman.
GSZ: well why he din seh suh? ….Rum till I die is mih name
and nature, send the banna in, send fuh the photographer and leh Sandra bring
in some pholourie quick quick …
Reporter: ahm..Chief, is nah….
GSZ: You still stan’
up deh, run along, send the Hitman in, I is a big fan…
SB: Afternoon Chief
GSZ: you ent look nothing like yuh video... show business eh!
SB: Video? They got video, oh gawd, is not me kill the man,
is other people….
GSZ: …. I guess we better start over, you is not the singer
of Rum till I die, are you?
SB: no I is a real hitman, but I decide to sing, to clear my
conscience and my good name.
GSZ: ok, so you is the bad john who does guard Soobs?
SB: yes, dat is I, in fact I uses a toy to do the guarding?
GSZ: a toy gun?
SB: no man! A sex toy, if anybody play round I would use it
to fuck dem up proper..no lube!
GSZ: (getting jittery) oh, ahmm, I see, so why exactly are
you here?
SB: well I see a car with plenty time by mih house an’...
GSZ: look….I doan even drive no cyar an’ I doan know where
you live, I never even meet yuh wife…
SB: easy chief, I ent come here to use no toy pun you, doan
look so jittery jittery, I suspeck the car had other hitmen out to hit me, so I
run by freedom house fuh dem to save me, but a man deh did getting jittery
jittery ..jus’ like you..heh heh…
GSZ: So ya’ll hitmen don’t have an association or something
to keep from bumping off each other? Ah mean …wha’ happen to honor among
thieves?
SB: look I used to work wid the police in a dead squad…
GSZ: well, we can’t all be in the exciting squads….sometimes
we got to be in the horse platoon or the dog catchers van..is the job, follow
orders an’ ting…
SB: man Snoozy..I tell you I was wid a dead squad, we used
to hunt criminals and lef dem dead.
GSZ: oh…. Well dat sounds interesting, so you kill anybody?
SB: I can’t talk about that, but I could tell you that I observed
other members of my dead squad killing people…for
example dat fucking one (bleep Bleep) tek a gun an’ shoot up (bleep bleep) and
dat odder one (bleep) shoot (bleep) in he fucking head…
GSZ: So why are you talking to me?.... Shouldn't you be at
CID or somewhere requesting a deal as a state witness or something?
SB: well the problem is dem bais at CID was in the dead
squad too, in fact is dem who do all the killing I was just there to observe,
but I is not a snitch or whistleblower…
GSZ: so wha’ yuh call dis?
SB: I throwing shade! ….Ah mean we is two big men shooting
the breeze, I could say any skunt I want, evidence and proof is another thing,
but I gots evidence, Lots of evidence.
GSZ: well I like shooting the breeze like anybody else, but
without the evidence is like a soup without dumplin’…yuh understand, I suggest
you get a lawyer and work some kinda deal , information and evidence for amnesty
and witness protection.
SB: big man , you is a waste, I going by Travis Chase.
Reporter: Chief, wah’ we gon do wid dis?
GSZ: Leh we keep in we corner and watch the sex toy action,
nuff people gonna get fucked…
Reporter: I was talking about the pholourie chief, everbady
dun know dem old story Blindsy tellin’.
*Editor’s Note .This is how we lost out on the biggest
exclusive that walked in the door... my bad.
