Guysnooze Progress Report
30 days of Change
Guysnooze has been inundated (word of the day) with reports
of change from all sectors of the Guyanese population; we collated the best of
them to give our Report on the first 30 days of the New administration.
We begin with numerous reports to the GPF by various
vagrants and junkies that well dressed persons armed with rubber gloves and
rubber nazi boots were stealing all the vagrants shit, according to “Redman” “dem people come jus’ suh an’ start pick up we
shit, I man loss everything! , one fine girl pick up me whole house (read
cardboard box) and jus’ stuff it in she black plastic bag, we got rights too” ,
the GPF have responded by lashing Redman with a wood and changing his mind
about future reports.
The new Minister of Sexual Protection announced her new initiative
– “NO WHORE LEF BEHIND”, it has a stated objective of saving one old whore at a
time, leaving entire communities without whores, the initiative also targets
safe sex practices and has led to many questioning how much a government should
get involved with citizens sex life, One man
who refused to be named, said”I was jukin and bam, somebody grab me loley and
put on a condom, the whole ting was traumatic, I do leh any an’ everybody touch
me loley” . The Minister countered with “lolo and patacake is me business, I
gat an award fuh dat!” ….
War drums beating , with the Venoes big bad bus driver
, treating to unleash he Perros de Guerra.
Guys Don’t Fight commander Big Brig retorted in spirit of Churchill, he stated,
“we shall fight them in the letter columns of newspapers, we shall fight them
with mosquitoes, malaria and dengue in they skites” … more to come on this
developing situation.
Locally, in an unprecedented move, Freed PC Murder accused,
sued “alleged” victim’s family, says victim deliberately, with malice, stole a
moving warhead from his intended target, that the loss of the warhead caused
him untold pain, suffering and indignities at the hands of the GPF and intimates
of the prison at Camp Road.
His Excellency Greenshirt held his first (long overdue)
press conference today, it deteriorated quickly after a hard Times reporter
asked about his administration’s flouting of due process in the firing and
hiring of Public Servants, in response H.E said “ I am writing your questions
down, see, now I am handing them to my press secretary Bevs , she is now peeing on your
questions and look, there! …….she has set dem on fire, dats what I think of
your questions, yuh gat more? Cause she can pee kero whole day!” …no more
questions were asked.
Letter of protest
Dear Excellency,
We, the Guyana Comics Association would like to lodge a strenuous
protest about your ministers, they are actively engaging in comedy and our
lively hood is suffering as a result, one in particular is causing distress,
while Minister Brooms, says “she is not just a comedy show” the facts speak
otherwise, she has instituted a Pokey patrol together with a large Batty guard,
while some are angry about having to sleep with their own wives and husbands,
many are laffin dem silly heads off, our jokes and shows pale in comparison to
the actions of the Minister of Sexual Protection.
We demand you reign in this cock blocking, lucknie, black
cakeish behavior at once!, a happy people are a ..well happy people, to
paraphrase Moses (of old naT Fat Spock) “let my people whore” , we know we have
the full support of the Aggrieved Guru of Faring , Pharo Willies.
We look forward to you kind attention.
Aseta Kamics
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