Robin’s Migration Service

Robin’s Migration Service

Well you all know of my previous business ventures, the Mala Shop slowly eased out of business by the changing ethnic requirements of the political climate, the Protest Shop which lost too many employees as soon as they completed training, then there was my dastardly plan to steal the parking meter scam investment, to install parking meters all over the fucking place,bank, GTT, Digi, FuckinGPL and especially anywhere with a public toilet, that shit would have cost you dearly!, it would have made me rich beyond my wildest dreams however they were thwarted by the wily old mare in Town Hall who kept the agreements secret, to think that a great genius like myself has been foiled by a ‘secret agreement’ preposterous! ….this has left me with only one option, a ‘Migration Service’, no no… not one where we help fill forms wid nuff lie an’ ting, a real service where you talk to us about your life, qualifications, pickney, who does mine yuh wife etc. then we would advise a country for you to migrate to, a real service with real potential. Our first few sample clients with names changed demonstrate the quality of our services.

RMS: good morning Sir, How can we help you find your perfect migration destination?

Rastaman: hail up brother, I man thinking ‘bout …(interrupted)

RMS: yes, yes, we know what yuh thinking, Jamaica, go frigging Jamaica , smoke up yuh weed, pelt mango…goodbye , while this may seem rude, I know and you know dat rastaman don’t pay, talk till the cows come home but money don’t change hands. We refer to this as our pro bono case.

Lady In head scarf and dark shades walks in and looks around furtively.

RMS: say nothing dear lady, I suggest a country with no extradition treaty with Guyana or cars to tempt your kleptomania , say outer-mongolia or any country ending in –stan, Wuzbekistan , Kardashianstan, etc. …and Jenny… cash only please, lass time the check nearly knock over the office boy when he drop it, we doan play bouncy-bouncy here.

Man in dark shades saunters in…

RMS: no uncle Hal-Mang , please return to your ministry, you have to wait until you are fired or the five years up to move to China and spend the raise, patience grasshopper patience! Please pay at door.

Shiddy Mare: I have money, the writing on it is spanishy , look at it and tell me where I can spend it and live out my days in luxury.

RMS: dear lady, this is not money, these are parking meter rolls, they are not worth anything until they are issued from a parking meter…. No maam , my mother would never do such an act, she was a virgin sainted lady, please take your tickets and leave by the back door mam, you too maam, have a great day.

RMS: sir, please come in, you look rich and prosperous, what do you do for a living?

Man1: I am a baker, and I have made plenty money but my best client just got posted to Africa and now business is down by 85%.

RMS: must have been a great client, wait, I get it, look best bet for you is to follow the man to Mozambique …yes, pay in cash not doughnuts.

RMS: and you sir, yes you who’s looking at our surveillance system so closely, what do you do?

Man2: I in drugs

RMS: Doctor? pharmacist?

Man2: no drugs, I does export drugs, like coke an’ ting…

RMS: well why are you leaving? Has something changed here? Business not doing well? GT is gool...

DrugsMan2: bai business booming, I got dat lock, but is the growing feeling ah gat about dese kachars and kochores, I starting to feel like the big man after the dinner…

RMS: big man? Dinner? You mean Jesus and the last supper, the betrayal…

DrugsMan2: what rass yuh talking? I talking ‘bout presi after he get serve food pon a plastic plate, dat is real betrayal, no wonder the man talking about a new department fuh bingee.

RMS: sir, you are suffering from proditophobia, a fear of betrayal, we suggest Canada, those people are so nice…yes, it frigging cold like a freezer all year, but look on the bright side, you get three days of summer every year!...pay on the way out.

We hope the above examples show that we are well equipped to deal with persons from all walks of life and look forward to serving you soon, if you work for GPL , tell us and we will give you a special discount along with directions of where you can fucking go.

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In odder news, departing President Issac Hunte had a final fingle in Guyana’s mingle when he suggested that thieves be jailed , haters stop hating and suggested that all ministers should visit the A&E room at the public hospital, later under questioning from reporters he clarified that AE did not mean ‘Accident and Emergency’ but rather ‘Ass and Elbow’ as he said “most of them can’t tell one from the other”. In reply  PM Nahgahmuchfado endorsed the comments by saying “yeah man. ya’ll need to stop hating on the Naggas, can’t we all get along, Naggas is people too, police should lock up anybody who says anything bad about the naggas” , in an invited comment , PPV secretary Cde. Rotee said “ We thank the man for his words of advice and have two for him….JENNY CRAIG ” .