The Adventures of Jubille, the Fifty dollar bill and other stories.

The Adventures of Jubille, the Fifty dollar bill and other stories.

My life began in a Mint, but my story begins when I, the top note in a stack of Commemorative $50 dollar notes was presented to the President of Greenyana by the Governor of the Bank for inspection…

GP: Guv, how dis thing red? Why not Green and Yellow? You ent get the memo?

GB: Excellency, the memo come late the order was already put in and plus Priya woulda direct a freal blast we way, discretion being better part of the valor an’ all…

GP: yeah, but the problem will be with what the people will call this bill…

GB: no worries sir, our research shows it will be called a ‘Naggas’ , it Red but was given prominence by your Excellency , just like Cde. Nameerkaram ….a betrayal of sorts but with little value, the ‘Granger’ is still the biggest bill to rule them all.

GP: (Laughs) a naggas eh, well the people have spoken….I guess if the writing was in Chinese it would be a ‘Joe’….

The President then put me in his pocket, out of the corner of my eye a small tear fell, how quickly I had fallen, from a mighty commemorative bill to a nameekaram in a few minutes…but worse was to come….

GP: Mrs. Excellency! Come see what I have brought for you, a small gift, the first $50 to be issued!

M.E: Davie! How sweet of you… I will treasure it all my life!

GP: They are calling it the Naggas!

M.E: oh…. Oh… red …on our side… ohhh…I don’t want to touch it now….

GP: Dear …(looks like cow buss rope) what’s in a name? girl we got real problems wid cohesion, today was only nagas , he wife an’ anmah fuh the odder side… it ent look good…

M.E: It would help if you didn’t refer to the as the other side, darling, but you are the best most thoughtful man, thanks for the bill…. (takes me from him)…later she’s on the phone …yes, girl he give me the ting but me in want it no mo, but ah cyan tell he dat!...yuh see me on the cover of the magazine… no girl, is not Shabba is Shabow… yes, they deh ‘rung lang time…uh huh, well is so it go.. but if he think he getting the helicopter drop fuh dis he lie, eh heh, talk to you later, bye….. Puts me on the coffee table…later a wind blows and I end up in the yard…. To be continued

Read next week’s installment to find out how our hero survives being snatched from the pocket of a pensioner, how he gets thrown in a gutter in a drug yard for being ‘fake’ and who rescues him will shock you!

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Robin’s Souvenir Shop

I ent go lie… things tite, but enough wid the love life… onto the daily grind, the Mala shop closed, the Protest shop losing money because as soon as the apprentice protest staff learn the trade, they going off on dey own, they cyan read, write much less spell but dem getting’ wuk at lower rates that we can charge, so it’s back to the drawing board, dis Jubilee ting heating p an’ I man thinking I could mek lil cheese selling authentic Guyana Souvenirs, ah mean if the guvment could sell dem 50 dollar bill, who is me to say no? I am buying some along with other items and opening shop.

Items, Uses and Prices

*all prices expressed in terms of Guyana $50 commemorative bills GCD’s

‘Cheated not Defeated’ Posters signed by PPV MP Charlie Shakespeare . 20 GCD’s.

GPL Glow in the dark dildos for those blackout nights, …Fuck GPL? …Think again…go fuck yourselves!. Ask about the Special Balata items for Throwback Thursdays #tbt  Nuff GCD’s

The Collation App: Amazing app turns all of your pictures into Green and Yellow masterpieces, daily reminders of how you have the Good Life ® , other features include VIP access to Propaganda Minister’s private thoughts written by Eggball Con. Iphone, Android and Mango Pelter versions.  5 GDC’s.

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The President announced 5 more B’s were added to his highly successful ‘Plan B’ which was about bicycle an’ ting.

New  B’s

• ·         Bandit
• ·         Bugger
• ·         Bullshit
• ·         BK
• ·         Bring Back Burnham

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Observations

The recent GuyExpo was a success but many critics were quick to point out that PrisonExpo had more locally made items and showcased the true creativity of Guyanese.

Bai Shan Lin ent tekking leff dem kicking back like Bai Shoalin Soccer team. #bankimoon