Self Raise is No Praise.

Self Raise is No Praise.

What a week this is turning out to be! Guysnooze staffers who were on “siesta” because the place so darn hot, were roused from their collective slumber by an irate public who kept gagging on about “pay raise” blah blah… now good people of Guyana…ya’ll know the place too hot to sip tea and most of ya’ll can’t afford popcorn, so stop posting that ‘yuh sippn’ tea” or “grabs popcorn” , truth is we is tennis roll and cheese nation with the affluent among us opting for a Butter-flap, so sit allyuh “Dry Dan” arse down and read the Guysnooze Self Raise is No Praise edition.

Btw...On the subject of Popcaan…we understand “Popcaan: Jail is the place to move yuh waist” concert has been sold out, we staying far….

So we get to the “pay raise” and the subsequent press conference by the One Minister to Rule them all, Comrade Hardon:

Gsz: Cde. Minister, do you believe such a hefty increase in pay by the Awhee Pay Now Unlimited +Abby Fat Cats (APNU+AFC) Government can be justified in a contracting economy?

Min H: of course, look the buck people we contract to build back the Benab tekking 66 million fuh some troolie and lil’ wood, that is more than 3 times the salary of the Prime Minister! So doan tell me no rass ‘bout “contractors and contracting, why jus’ lass weekend me and Beekay wen to Rio and the prices for ass were asstronomical ! this lil raise I getting will help pay for the other ‘raise” I does get, if yuh know what the rock is cookin’…(winks)

Gsz: you went Brazil ?

Min H: you sailin’ or wha? Look, in response to these questions about our raise in pay, the government is preparing a series of billboards to inform the public, the Directed Puppet of Information (DPI) has prepared samples for your perusal (displays the infamous  Rohee middle finger picture with the slogans :

• ·         Yuh want we to thief?
• ·         Take dat you Jaguars
• ·          Sheep Power
• ·          You did Vote for Change
• ·         PPP thief too!
• ·         Make hay while the sun shines
• ·          Rotate!

Gsz: so, Minister, are you saying that the electorate are Jaguars led by Sheep?

Min H: of course! I am merely repeating what our head honcho said months ago, in fact , one of the Jaguars followed our Minister of Curfews so closely that he ended up as a skin on the office wall!

Gsz: Minister, you claimed in an earlier conference that Attorneys in your office were paid $500,000 per month, but when contacted by Guysnooze for comment most said ‘nat me, musse some odder attorney” one said that “Joe hand tight but he mouth slack” and none have declared such large incomes to the GRA in fact the average tax declaration of your former office is $70,000 per month and the average tax paid is $9000 per month, do you have a reply to this?

Min H: $9000 per month, dem was overpaying  the thiefin’ PPP! (storms out).

Immediately the Guysnooze reporters were called to another press conference in Robb Street, where we found Cde.Rotee complaining  about uncompensated use of his infamous “middle finger” picture by the Collation Government,. Said Rotee, “why dey doan use they own fingers? Maybe if they did we would see the crumbs from the cookie jar they bin dippin in” , when advised that it was bad form to end a sentence with a preposition, Rotee responded, I ent ask nobody fuh nuttin, the only proposition I mek is to mih wife, many years ago when I was a mere lad sitting at the feet of the great leader CBJ, anyways ya’ll reporter women does talk too much fuh get proposition to. …we gave up…. Rotee further stated his batta---ahm…his cadre of lawyers would be suing the government , then in a bombshell announcement he also said that the newly formed Goat News Network would also be sued for copyright infringement for its name, Cde. Rotee said everyone “knows” that he is the “goat” man “everybody knows I am the Greatest Of All Time” he posited, everywhere I go, people shout out ‘GOAT man”, Guysnooze concedes this point as fact and his press conferences ARE known as Goat news … when we asked  Cde. Rotee greatest what? He answered with the copyrighted finger, when told that the editor of Goat News Network was a Ram, he said there was a big difference between a Ramgoat and a sheepish Ram. 

Again we were asked to rush over to another presser, where a visibly upset your Ram was holding court or holding forth.. upshot is now Ram has threatened to file private criminal charges of Public Obscenity against the good comrade, claiming that the length of the man finger is ‘Obscene”. We will be following the litigation and will keep you informed,

* Dese Fat cats ent stupid, dem mek the raise public when the sun too hot for protest.