Old Pervert’s Day & odder News
What
a week! It started with raises and got
harder, our story on Pay Raises drew the ire of one sexygenarian , who wrote a
testy or feisty letter to the editor reproduced below
Dear
Mr. Snooze,
I
wish to confound, oppose, debunk and disagree (dey got any big words lef?) with
your postulation that "Self Raise is no Praise".
When
one reaches a certain age it is the quintessence of achievement when one can possess
the self-raising capacity/ability/skill without a chemical auxillium -
irrespective of the pill's shape or color (triangular blue preferred).
You
may now take the matter in hand and practise the self-raising
techniques and praise (your)self with a simulated(?) orgasmic ooh! aah!
(like the Dumb Boy and Parrot in the Calypso).
Sexy
Septuagenarian (S.S)
Our
editor, not a man to be easily coffuled , had to resort to the Google for the
meaning of “auxillium” (…look it up yuh damm self…. Wha I look like? Yuh mudder….eh
eh! ) reported to staff that investigative journalism had led him to an
audience with the big sawaki from OP who
also debunked the article (read “put he in he place) . “it was interesting to
read your doggyrell on pay raises, but you got the facts confused, there exists
a vast difference between “Public Servants” and “Public SAVANTS” , servants is
like dem who does teach and out fire an’ ting, Savants is dem Like Dat Puppet
Imrant (DPI) and Genius Johnson, the writer , now they are well paid, so we decided
that Ministers should make more than them, they are already insufferable,
imagine life with them making more than you..” … our editor was suitably chastised
and made humble apologies.
It
has been that kind of week for us…. When we enquired of the Minister Of
Continuity about the lack of “Transparency” regarding the appointment of Dr.
Rip Van Westie to the water place, he replied “you idiot! , of course he was
appointed transparently, …T..R…A…N= tran or through, parent= yuh father,mudder,
…family, the man get the wuk through he fadder in law……. Trans-parent enough
for you, AND..AND (he shouted) he brings CONTINUITY from then to now.”
At the Red House gathering yesterday our reporter (and I
think everyone else) were pleasantly surprised to understand what Dr. Lunchman
was sayin’, seriously, after years of coffuffling we skites, turning obfuscation into an art form,
the good doctor suddenly start speaking plain English… wonders never cease.
In odder news, a game of “hide and seek” was mistakenly confused
with “hide the sausage” and this led to the tragic death of a young mother and
the arse-wipe that killed her.
Rice farmers were told that there was a misunderstanding
about the government , money and rice…”Money sharing LIKE rice, not FOR rice” said
the Minister of Fine Ants.
In much happier news, furniture Giants “Coats” had an Old perverts
day , all dem girl dress up in school uniform, said one old man “it HARD enough
fuh mek the monthly installments, now dese girls in School Uniform is like Old man Kryptonite” another said, I come in hey peacefully and
now I end up buying a new bed, I doan even need one, is a sex trick! And of
course the Guysnooze editor mek it he duty to ask all dem gyal if they think
naughty schoolgirls should be spanked…. He need some bail money if ya’ll wan’
help out…
*Temporary Editor’s Note: Calls to Jenny for help wid the
bail money went unanswered.
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