Man inserts vagina…WTF!

Man inserts vagina…WTF!

We at Guysnooze have realized that Guyana needs a translator, not the language, the mentality, as we fren’ in foreign like fuh seh… “allyuh ent understand budday” … well, we have become fed up of the situation, today Freddy’s column began with a man inserting a vagina???...we gave up and hired a translator… fat lotta good it did us… the man tek one look at the article and tell we “I doan speak jackass”… so we fire he skites, after all, that seems to be a major language group ya-suh.

Our poor reporters were forced to come up with translations to recent headlines and news items, a sampling of which we provide below, the Freddy ting has been left untouched least he says we molested him.

Headline: Moses goes on leaf.

Translation: Somebody else get to be President this weekend.

Headline: DeePeePee sends files of XYZ case back to police

Translation: Offer low… but negotiations underway.

Headline: Suriname’s New River claim spurious…Greenshirt

Translation: Me ent kay who tek bribe from the sweet drink people from Suriname, I not giving in to blackmail.

Headline: Guyana will seek peaceful resolution to border crisis.

Translation: What were the other choices? Stueeps….

Headline: New US envoy accredited

Translation: Fat bai geh fuh tek lil ress now.

Headline: Govt not to blame for XYZ problem.

Translation: Is PPP fault…go protest by Robb Street.

Headline: Rape accused Pandit flees.

Translation: He like gih “jaray” but he nah wan’ tek ahm.

Headline: Bappo prepares for first session as Windies coach

Translation: WICB “jarays” Simmo.

Headline; Greenshirt says economy was anemic since 2014

Translation: No Confidence Motion had consequences---duh…

Headline: Greenshirt: Venezuela's oil must pass through the Caribbean and the Caribbean has never let us down.

Translation: HE off he meds…

Headline: Geenshirt: Venezuela has withdrawn its troops at the border

Translation: Big party by Camp Ayangana tonight! (Really happened).

After all this hard work by our dedicated staff, the editor called a meeting and laid it out in plain English as only he can, “look lads and ahm lass…run a sandwich fuh yuh bai nuh… ah yes, look, if the article in Chronicle nobody will read it, so doan worry bout dem, if it in Times, then is the guvment fault, if it in Kochoe, then is Jaggy fault, is he do we dis duh or dee odder, dem about to jail he blah blah, dem doan mek no sense, they aiming for the "life pun dee Dam crowd… btw...da man ent shame fuh mention pumpkin? Neway, duh is duh, Stabber trying fuh be a real newspaper and ridin’ middle of the road, so dem id who we need to wuk wid…

But after the meeting …Dem bai seh… nah me..dem bai,,,dat how the Editor only praising up Stabber ‘cause it printing he letter dem, wait till they stap.

*Editor’s Note to self: Find and fire the kachar who add the last piece deh.