Lions behaving badly
“We getting Lions in the zoo again!” ...our editor declared,
‘wha’ yuh tink dey do wrang chief? …ah mean , we zoo is punishment fuh we local
barn tigers dem , meen tink dem farren tigers gon able” said the chief rabble
rousing reporter… 'sennin' dem tiger hey is like sending police to monkey mountain, dem musse bite somebody' .....“to think how much meat dem tiger does eat an’ the poor
prisoners punishin’, all dat peas and rice and not even a bone fuh dem men”..he
continued… “I tink dem prisoners dose get plenty bone in deh” ..smirked the
sangwich girl ‘an’ some o’ dem got nuff meat dem does let dee odders taste”…the
sangwich girl start laff, as the men in the room shuffled around uncomfortably,
dis newsroom was not quite ready for a sexually liberated sangwich girl…after a
lengthy silence, the editor spoke up… ‘ehm, Sheila here got a point, none of
the prisoners talking about what really happen that night, is only complaints
about food and cell phone reception, one ask if dem can’t get a cell tower put
in and dem cud put the guards pon top and get free credit in return, like
sponsorship” … “I hear dem stop eat kebob in deh, nuff turn vetrenarian, seh
the smell of roast meat leff in dem nose” “I ent think we outside gon ever know
what happen in deh, dem men is professional liars, look dis skunt who seh he
neva see cell phone or weed in prison” “me name ent Sheila!” declared the girl,
“wha’ is yuh whole name?..doan answer, we could ask the village yuh come from
if is Caloi or Raliegh” chortled the fat reporter who never reported on anything,
“you fat skunt jus’ get fired” shouted the editor “wha’ you know ‘bout riding
bicycle?” “ Ellsee, doan mine he,but ah sangwich would be nice” … “ah see the Jokeishery meet the Prison Minister an’ seh dem gon jail people faster… no mo’
lang lang trial, is trial den jail skunt” … “dat is the solution?” … “well life
in jail getting good, ah see the British guvment sponsorin’ condoms’, now yuh
know why the Americans always shouting the british are coming…” “but wait,
cookup without meat is nat ital? dem man livin’ large!” “ nobody ent mention
the prison officer who does drop the bo-gle in dem lil coolie bai in deh tho…” “bai..in
deh, dat is perks nat hardship, is bo-gle or chicken skin curry…tek yuh pick”…..
Meanwhile at Tea
and Weed party HQ
Leader: Now hear dis, I man declare war pon the oppressors,
we not gwine lie down dis time, I man seh #itistime fuh the lion be free!
Party Faithful 1: yes, ayah, Lion is fuh walk the road
free..scene!
Leader: walk the road, yuh mad? Is real lion me ah talk ‘bout,
dem bringing some fuh the zoo, dem switch out we tiger dem wid some place in
Hinglan’
Party Faithful 2: I man lose I man fren’ who free the lass
lion, lion nyam he food ayah , pass the ting nuh, whu yuh feel is you alone in
dis party…sheesh…
Leader : well we have to make a plan to free the Lions dat
come, dis deep deep… falls asleep….
PF1: well the man ‘ave a point scene? Maybe we cyan train a
monkey fuh open the lion cage…
PF2: lass monkey I amn train pelt shit pon I am, you deh pon
yuh own deh…pass the ting nuh…sheesh
PF1: the one that does live by me in Kingston always going
by the neigbah Tapir window and peeping and pumping, I man does wonder what
going on in deh…
Leader: yes man… all is well now, I man dream brother bob
free the lion and ride on ‘im back… suh problem solve, hail Salasie I’m high.
PF1: whispers to PF2… wha’ he mean problem solve…
PF2: yuh know we is the smoke up an’ dream party right? So once
we dream it ..is like it happen fuh real… deep man deep…pass the ting nuh…
Back at Guysnooze HQ
"anybody voting in this LGE?"... "bossman...we is fren, but I is neither lesbian or gay rite! " leh we doan mek dem kinda jokes... " " ay lard... how dis banna get a wuk hey...he cud mek sangwich too or wah'?" ... but we ent kay 'bout dis election, yuh know why? ...i gon tell yuh why... it ent got action, it ent got spice, it lacking SCANDAL!!!... suh we ent kay... I tink dem fine one ,two chile molester, ah banna suh old dat dem think he is one ah Lisa Punch four parents dat come as a slave from Ghana, and a pastor that is a fucking fraud...like dat is news........stueeps ... so no...not enough juice fuh get we out in the hot sun... put a notice in dis edition fuh the publik to send information on scandals to our news desk .
*If more than 25% vote ah got to buy drinks for a well known Oxegeneric Veterenarian. #stayhomeanpole
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