Code Violation
“Look at dis fucking nameekaram, he fucking up all awhee,
skunt!” our editor was furious, the reporters glanced nervously at each other,
wondering what the PM do the poor editor, was encouraging the neighbas to
play loud music all nite, all weekend really that bad? After all is we culture
to be fucking inconsiderate, “is dis one Kwasi Ace, he new song “wallpaper” , it’s
a violation of the man code, he cyan buss up we bag suh, nah man, he violate”…
the newsroom rushed to listen to the song on various devices, ipod, ipad,
rayjoe, etc. ..not one of them cheap skunts thought to go and buy the man CD
tho…
Half hour later, the men convened, well, plus the sangwich
girl who is mo’ man than most of dem, “chief, how Kwasi cud do we dis? De man
infarm dee hole world at we does store we sweet ‘ooman name under Popeyes… he
skin up the biznees bad bad hey”… the editor looked around slowly, “my code,
how I going come up wid a new code, every name had a meaning, kamboat was me chine
squeeze, hacks hallal was me muslim gyal Zalina, … ya’ll understand how hard it
gon be fun come up wid new code” … “I feel fuh you chief” the girl spoke, now I
too gah fuh find a way fuh replace “black pudding” and “ lumber yard” is nat
man alone got problems.
Well the talking start, it seems dat eveybady was using the
same code, maharaja’s fuh coolie girl, Guinness bar fuh anything dark, pepperpat fuh dem buck
girls, one stupit skunt even had ‘red lobster’ in he phone… the team decided
#itwastime to come up wid a new code.
How ‘ bout police stations, like whaeva area yuh wallpaper
hanging in, like I ga a ting in prashad nagar an’ another in south, yuh tink
dat wud work? …sound good, but what if yuh gat two woman in south or in the
same house? …hmmm, well one could be carparal and the odder sergeant or if one
is the mother, yuh cud list she as superintendent and the daughter as front
desk… ya’ll gon get skin up, why a man wud got anna regina police station
number in he fone an’ he living in gt? ..the girl was right as usual… leh we
use Ministries, like social protection fuh the girl dat insist you put on
condom every time, an’ an’ housing fuh the one wid she own house or always talking
‘bout owning a house… I got one dat does visit she land every week fuh the lass
two year, meen know wha’ she expeck fuh see, she ent mek a move fuh build
nothing but she visiting, like is a grave, … bai, you on to something hey, I
cud list one lawyer girl I got as legal affairs an’ she sister who is mih
wife as home affairs, the auntie dem got in ‘merica as foreign affairs… the
girl spoke again “well I cud list one as minister of agriculture cause the
tools he using for forkin’ the land” …. Ey ey..nobady ent want hear ‘bout wha’
kinda man you gat, we gat real prablems, you husband ent even know ‘bout
smartphone and neway he busy wid the neigbah lil girlchile, yuh better check he
phone for ministry of youth,culture and sport, cause he always at rumshop
drinking wid dem lil girls, plus he lil pon the odder side, check fuh anythin' pon the 'back road' ...
Needless to day, the meeting bruck up… sangwich fling leff
rite and center… nuff gnashing of teeth an’ then the tears, was like if somebody
let a crackadile free in hey… after a while somebody break out the likker and
then we siddung fuh plan the ambush fuh buss kwesi rass…but dat plan is secret.
*despite the worries it will cause, we do recommend you take a listen to dis chune.
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