Guyana Checkup

Guyana Checkup

Scene: Doctor’s office

Guyana: Doc, ah need yuh fuh do a complete checkup, is all kinda ting botherin’ mih…

Doc: well yuh turning 50 soon, so try to be specific, where does it hurt?

Gy: ah go some pains in mih sugar, mih gole feeling low and to be honest mih rice ent feelin’ nice, plus when ah lie down at night mih racism does be acting up, sometimes ah does get a feeling a drum beating somewhere in mih head….

Doc: hmm, well lemme see, the tests show yuh sugar lil low indeed, maybe we can give you some kind of shot in the arm for that or a sugar substitute.

Gy: any method you employ would be good, just do it quick Doc!

Doc: I see your gole or Gold as we call it in our profession is erratic, the readings all ova the place, looks like that area of your body is leaking nutrients, they seem to be smuggling out of your anus…yuh arse, yuh gole leaking out yuh batty, hence you cannot see the benefits of all the vitamins you are taking for that sector of your body.

Gy: suh wha’ I cud do?

Doc: Lock up some baddy, keep the rear shop shut…

Gy: wha’ bout mih rice?

Doc: yuh rice was nice fuh so long that yuh forget to keep checking on it, once you stopped eating your Venezuela it kinda went off, hard to say what you can do to replace Venezuela in your diet, those kinda nutrients are rare, I see you say that you are trying some mexico and even some panama, I would suggest you talk to Uncle Sam about getting some Uncle Ben….

Gy: ah will try doc, but what about dis racism headache, the drums doc the drums, the beating in mih head, cayn lie down in mih Sophia house and rest, 6 am dey beating…

Doc: look, ah tell yuh before and ah gon tell yuh again,racism is all in yuh imagination, too much politics and politicians in your diet before bedtime causes nightmares, dem drums not real , look how many dougla pills you tek in the last 20 years, you telling me you ent cure yet?, look at the lovely mixed pickneys you producing, works of Art! …. You got this thing licked, now I can prescribe mo’ dougla pills, some red ones, or yuh could try a new one called “Guyanese” contains a bit of Chinee, Indo, Afro, Indigenous, Euros and…. well me ent sure but maybe Latinos, suh Lisa seh…

Gy: Doc, like yuh had dis cure all the time but yuh wasn’t “Cooperating” fuh mek Guyana feel great again! Jus’ dis news making mih Republic explode wid joy!

*Editor’s note: tek yuh pills and avoid eating at the Facebook restaurant, it full of bitter dishes from overseas, keep it local and enjoy the flavor.