Collation Bruck up!
Guysnooze exclusive! You heard it here first folks, the much
vaunted Coloration talks between Guyana’s opposition parties broke down after
heated exchanges between members of the negotiation parties.
We at Guysnooze have noticed a trend by rival news agencies
to manufacture news and not report actual events, so we have taken an executive
decision (not sure what that means , but it sound official) to give you a
transcript of the secret meetings so as to remove doubts of authenticity .
Prak: thank you all for coming to this meeting, we all know
the evil that stalks the land must be driven out by all means necessary…
Greenshirt: Cde, leh
we leave the Nigerian at UG alone fuh now, concentrate on the business at hand.
Prak:??? …………ahmm yes, we are gathered here today to bring
about a verily important entity for the advancement of our well being in
Guyana, ladies and gentlemen, I put to you the Agreement to Fully Corporate or
AFC is the only way forward!
Nahgahmuchfuhdo: Thank you Cde Prak, I will accept the
nomination for Presidency and promise to forget all the spiteful and vindictive
things that were done to me during the 28 years of struggle.
Pandemonium ensues…
Cde. Rolex: this is an outrage!
Prak: Is who nominate he? Who is spreading these rumours?
Greenish: if the Deputy Jankelar in the AFC is putting
himself forward as the presidential candidate, I announce my own nomination
now!
Greenshirt: Order, Order, keep calm, somebody please fetch
the Comrade. a glass of Daru to drown his illusions of grandeur .
Cde. Wofferet: Gentlemen is it the considered opinion that
the collation should be led by an Indo-guyanese? If so I have to say “GOAT ENT
BITE ME”
Further pandemonium ensues, after 10 mins and much muttering
and glass clinking, order resumes
Prak: ok, pardon the moment of passion from my mentor, but
yuh know he want be president bad, bad!
Greenshirt: let us not put jackass to pull harse cart,let us
discuss finance and property in the merger.
Nigeswell: how much ya’ll got? Katty services not free yuh
know, not even for me…
Rolex: mutters…like PR mean “Prostituting Relations”….
Nigeswell: what was that! You said something?
Rolex: if yuh feel I say something, go and check the tape…
Greenish: well we have some money and we do own 20 acres at
Sophia.
Nigwell: ok, well we don’t have any money presently, but we
do insist on sharing things equally, so we will take half of Congress place,
ya’ll kyan keep the back half…
Prak: we are going to insist on All Financial Control or AFC
, we also want All Foreign Cheques to be
made payable to AFC.
Nahgahmuchfuhdo:
(whispers) tell dem I gat to be
Presheedent…
Greenshirt: (mumbles)
lef rite. Lef rite ….. Come in green leader,
Prak: what was that?
Cde. Mustache: oh the comrade talks in his sleep, doan mine
he, yuh know he lil old…
Cde. Mustache: so what would be the name for the collation?
Prak: All Forkin' Chores or AFC
Cde Mustache: we were thinking Peaceful New Collation or PNC
Cde. Woffert: We were thinking “Welcome Plenty Accarie” or
WPA
Prak: what “we” ? ...is you alone lef in dat party…
Woofer knocks glass out of Prak hand, scuffle ensues, Rolex
Grabs both by scruff of neck and breaks apart..
Rolex: man… keep calm, leh we see this meeting through nah…
Cde Mustache: so what would be the symbol for the new party?
Prak: well we were thinking how we are locked out of
parliament and a KEY would get we back in…
Greenish:slams fist on desk)is wha’ rass we we dealin’ with
hay? No money, no property and now a key? Look ya’ll Kerry ya’ll Poor Key outta
this place yeh!
Cde Woffert: well said comrade, lets keep we Plam tree,
Bell, Whistle, Christmas blow-blow and Toothless Poodle symbols and continue as
before I declare this Alliance with Prak Now Untennable! APNU forever.
Agent 007 crawls out from under the table
Cde. Mustache: wha’ you doing here? Who invite you to this
secret meeting?
007: Meeting? I was looking for Gidarie phone , he say he
lef it hay, I fall asleep and now wake up.
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