Guysnooze Week in News 01-5-2015 or is it 05-01-2015?

Guysnooze Week in News 01-5-2015 or is it 05-01-2015?

The official probe of the mysterious illness at a popular call center was released last week, the probe commissioned after workers say they were accosted by a raging Jumbie and the spirits “tek dem” found that the most likely non-supernatural cause of the mass illness was probably poor ventilation, the report added that the poor ventilation probably ‘mek the Jumbies vex” causing the Jumbies to revolt, it noted that there was a power outage and the Jumbies like living people have feelings and all in all is GPL fault. No one at GPL commented officially o the report, but off the record comments suggest that the GPl workers were afraid of riling up the “Jumbie Posse” “is bad enough that the populace, led by well know actor and rabble rouser Ajay B does get vex, but Jumbie is another thing by itself”.  Guysnooze reporters did not follow up as they too know what its like to work with a raging Jumbie for a boss.

A well know airline today revealed 25 Guyanese flight attendants to the travelling public, amidst much fanfare and in a pageant like atmosphere (Playing on the Guyanese weakness for pageantry) the new attendants strolled down the runway to the strains of Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Gonna Come” , customers of the new airline applauded the show but suggested it would be better if a “Plane was Gonna Come”  ,…… “anytime banna, anytime, I gah fuh get back to me jab” said one anxious passenger, who was apparently living in fear of his Uncle Sam.

In unrelated news, Tourist Minister , Infant Oily declared a new initiative whereby 25 new mini-bus conductors  would be employed by the ministry, stating that these were persons highly trained to work in the airline industry, but who have yet to catch a plane, the attendants as they will be called would be given a brief refresher in the reality of being a mini-bus conductor, phrases such as “small up yuhself  bigman”, “there is always space fuh one mo” “the driver seh he like yuh” would be added to the attendants repertoire replacing that nonsense they learned about seatbelts and turning off mobile devices.

Beleaguered Waste Indies Bored today added the Dolly Lamma to its public enemy list, blaming him for agitating and being the catalyst for the strike and subsequent abandonment of the tour of India in 2014, said one well known anonymous bored member as he sipped his scotch, “is the damm Dolly Lammer, dem bais was good till they meet he, then baddam! All of them discontented, want money, paper fuh sign and to be treated as workers, I tell you, I could see why China ban he, the man is a shit stirrer, doan leh all the wise old man act fool yuh”  he also added ‘wha kinda man does name Dolly? And tell he we want we shirt back!” . 

Guysnooze contacted the holy man only to be told that all questions should go through local PR guru Tagman, it seems we are headed for round two in the Tagman v Cricketman battle, in round one Cricketman accused Tagman of working for money and not morals, Tagman responded with the now popular refrain “all awhee is whores” , we look forward to the continuation of this battle of twits er-ahm…wits.

Popular author Rueful Johansen’s girlfriend today launched her new novella , a redux of “Taming of the Shrew” in which the prize whining author is subject to daily problems such as being on time and taking a haircut while being subjected to the requisite nagging associated  with such activities.

The Caribbean Press has already inked a deal to publish the work entitled The Taming of the Bro. Culture minister Flank said “ if only I knew this was all it would take to keep the brother quiet….”

Guysnooze will be bring you an exclusive on the APNU-AFC talks , we done bug the room but they keep postponing the meeting, like they think is a “committee” they deh pun!