Back to life, back to reality...

Back to life, back to reality...

The Local Government Elections campaign 2018 kicked off with incumbent Mayor of GeeDee awarding a contract to Sonny Boy Contracting Services for the clean-up of the Le Repenetir Cemetery , our reporters caught up with the contractor as he arrived to commence the $100,000,000 contract, to our surprise, his equipment consisted of four used Canola Oil containers filled with Gasoline and a box of Safety matches, staffing for the multi-million dollar contract consisted of four scantily clad individuals with obvious drug dependency issues. Our reporters fired a barrage of questions at CEO Son-Son about the seeming disparity of the monetary size of the non-tender contract and his Equipment, Materials and Labor outlay, Son-Son then informed us there were many hidden costs in contracts such as these, our reporters sensing possible revelations of corruption by way of kickbacks pressed for answers, Was he paying anyone a fee to secure contracts? did he know Kickbacks were illegal? Son-son laughed off the questions and said there was no law against nepotism, and “look I lose 20 percent of my costs to theft only this morning, ya’ll think it easy to run business wid dese junkies wukking for yuh” ..to which our reporters surmised that one of the aforementioned Junkies staff had run away with a gallon of gasoline…

 The workers commenced to set fires on all four ends of the Cemetery and a few hours later our contractor exclaimed “wallah” wuk done and handed frecks liberally to his hard working staff, then as the smoke cleared staffers of Gecon arrived and begun making lists of names on thombs, this piqued the Interest of our lead reporter, who was motivated to get his fat arse out of the air-conditioned company vehicle and lumber into the graveyard to ascertain what exactly the Gecon workers were doing.

Fat Reporter: good day Sor, can you tell me what Gecon is doing here today? Are you making sure these people are removed from the Voters Lists?

Gecon: Sir, I beg your pardon! We would never disenfranchise a Guyanese, we are doing the opposite, these citizens have been denied their rights enshrined in our constitution for the last ten elections, we are here to correct that injustice, The Dead will be voting again! And to make up for what they missed , they will each be allowed ten votes!  We are returning to Old Skool Democracy under our Glorious Leader Comrade Burn…ehhem Granger!

Fat Reporter: But Sir, I am not seeing any indo-Guyanese names on your list…

Gecon: Nonsense, look this grave right here , see the inscription   Mpliza Npuncho, Family of Sing

Fat Reporter: (cleans away the soot to reveal Family of Singers )…This is one of that girl Lisa Punch four fathers, dem did get trick into getting onto the slave ship, somebody tell dem that they going to a singing competition, when they get off the boat, massa give them a cutlass and tell dem go practice they singing in the canefield, slavery was a brutal thing, apparently many of the co-workers could not carry a tune….anyways, wha’ you plan to do about the deficiency of Indians on dis list chief?

Gecon: What you want me to do?... is me fault that Indian people dose bun up theyself after they dead? I can’t register what not there… that would be unfair and leave us open to allegations of Rigging!!

Fat Reporter: Yes, yes, that would indeed….

Gecon: Instead of bothering me while I working hard to restore true democracy, you should be talking to my colleagues who are working on the Overseas voters list and procedures, I hear they not taking any old birth certificates, and you have to have a real Guyanese name, not every Hemnarine and Harrilall could register, you need a name like Jones or Smith to get registered, dats where you should be looking, let the dead do they thing in peace.

Our reporters were all set to leave the scene when there was a flurry of activity, cars with flashing lights and flunkies opening doors and some obviously very important albeit decrepit, people were ushered to a graveside and began talking animatedly, we recognized attorney Hues, by his sheer weight of appearance.

Upon inquiry we found out that one of his ‘witnesses’ to the Lindo Creek massacre was presently incarcerated in the thomb, but Hues would deliver his testimony, hearsay be dammed, and that the Head of the COI was only here to verify that there was a real estate opening next to the deceased (rare  in this crowded market) and that given his age, purchase would be prudent.

Our Reporters returned to the sanity of our offices buoyed with the knowledge that order was being restored in the Republic and basking in the warm glow of nostalgia … “who knows, they might ban flour next” sighed the Girl reporter “I can’t wait to hide and clap roti, all my ahjee dem used to do it” .

*No one died in the fire

*We could tell you more, but in the words of Uncle Joe “you can’t handle the truth”