...Of Oil, MoP and Brooms

Of Oil, MoP and Brooms

“Anybody got a number for E-networks?” Asked the Editor of no one in particular, “I want to see if they have the Western movies channel and order it for Uncle Rafhell” “but why Chief?  You not known for generosity, to be honest more known as El cheaposkunto to use the French expression” said the Fat Reporter who had been getting spunkshus since he broke the story about the thief-man who became a policeman but whom never forgot his roots and kept on stealing, “so why would you give the ministah a gift? You finally get corrupted?” …. “doan be ah ass bai, I want he to look at them old westerns and tell me when the Indians ever get a good deal from the white man, it would serve he well when dealing with his new found ‘frens’...meeting in ten to dissect how Exxonmobile Proper Shaft Awhee”

The ExxonMobile Plenty Shaft Agreement (PSA)

The Editor began the meeting with a call to examine who were on the respective negotiating teams “draw up a table” he said.

ExxonMobile	Awhee
White Man with forked tongue	Red Man who eats with knife and fork
Jeff Simon	Simple Simon
Advisor	Ignored Advisor
Other Executives	Other Ministers
Technical Team	Bae (now Mrs. Bae)

 “hmm, I can see why some say we were not prepared for this level” said the Editor “but let us see what we got as opposed to what they got, draw up another table”

ExxonMobile got	Awhee get
To Drill and insert Shaft	To get Drilled and Shafted
87.5 % of OIL	12.5 % of OIL
Technical Jobs	Theoretical Jobs
Tax Free	No Tax Revenue
Duty Free	No Customs Revenue
Exploration Cost Recovery	Bill for Exploration
Production Cost Recovery	Bill for Production
Increased Production	Increased Corruption
Increased Stock Prices	Increased Grocery Prices
50% of Profits (if any, see ‘forked tongue’ above)	50% of Profits? #fingerscrossed

“Well… this PSA look like a ‘Fit and Proper’ comedy production, so, as I am not a Judge, I am not judging it, leh we see how it all works out.

Oil, Mop and Brooms

A scurrilous advert appeared in local newspapers advising investors to ‘Go-Invest elsewhere’ as GYPPEX commenced, in response,  the President of El Swear issued a disclaimer saying “stay yall skunt in Guyana, we got enough Crabs in we own barrel” meanwhile nuff waana be smartmen were at GYPPEX getting outsmarted of  $750 US to go sit and listen to Ministah Brooms talk about Oil, dat got to be legalized robbery, all dat money to explore ‘possibilities’ , if you had real prospects to mek money from Oil, you would deh in yuh office working on making that reality not sharing your ideas in a shark tank, that was a fishing exposition and it exposed plenty packoo and minnows, apparently it was a ‘Tourism’ booster!, while the aforementioned pakoos sharks were sitting waiting for His Excellency to make an appearance at this Convention, H.E was sitting patiently in his Boardroom,bored out of his skull waiting on Ex-Excelency, Leader of Opposition, to come oppose  ‘consult’ on substantive Judicial appointments an ting, instead H.E got a rude missive indicating that there was no objection to some peewat integrity appointments but plenty objections to the Big Sawaki Judicial ones, H.E in turn dismissed the missives and made Acting Appointments, H.E then entertained Brazilain Minister of Possible War for lunch and had to listen to fears of Venezuelan invasions while trying to keep his blood pressure down, to cap H.E’s day, his adviser on Petroleum was a no-show at GYPPEX, instead choosing to make statements of great integrity at UG, these statements were not embraced by H.E, whose office issued an unnecessary disclaimer.

 At the conclusion of GYPPEX, ExxonMobile’s Management and Execs were full of praise for the event “never have I had such a long line to kiss my ass” said the new Country manager and the 12^th Vice-president of production said “a room full of brown-nosers and salad-tossers if I ever saw one, and none of them with any clue on how they would make a dime off oil, remarkable experience for me, I felt like Trump when Romney asked for his endorsement, they would have dropped to their knees in a heartbeat”

The week’s star Minister Brooms, was also seen in Rose Hall giving financial advice to retrenched sugar workers, unfortunately her advice created much confusion as we found out when Guysnooze interviewed those she advised.

Guysnooze: Did you find the advice given by the Minister to be helpful?

Ramlall: dah lady tink she smarter than abby, she ah talk ‘bout whe’ nat fuh spend money, but abby nah collect no money yet, how yuh cyan spen wha’ yuh nah gat?

Johnson: Well the Minister said not to go in the Kaimoo with your money, I agrees with the Minister , the Kaimoo is too far away, we sugar workers prefer to drink by rumshop!

Ramlall: daru nah taste different ah kaimoo than at Ranal’ shap bai, dah lady nah no nuttin!

Samlall: ah wah’ dis kaimoo? Me taught was wan type fish!

Johnson: It is a den of iniquity, rum and whores!

Samlall: ohhh...how far yuh seh dis place deh? ...Mih jus’ waan know…

Johnson: forget the kaimoo, the Minister advised we invest together in drudge or form cooperatives and work on small farms.

Ramlall: dah lady is ah ass, me dadee tell me pardnership is a sinking ship, me money, if me ever get ahm, a go straight in Ranal han’, better me enjoy ahm than it sink pan pardnership.

Samlall: anybody got directions to dis kaimoo?

Johnson: forget the kaimoo, you did not hear the minister say not to engage in TIP?

Ramlall: dah lady stupit bad bai!, ah nah daru abbey ah drink, abbey sootee dead lang time now, me cyan traffic in pokey even if me want, dah fo’ dem school pickney!

Samlall: me taught TIP was Traffic in Port Mourant…dem got bus going to dis kaimoo?

…we left the discussion raging as the trio headed to Ranal’s Shap,secure in the knowledge that as the drinks went down,cutlass could pass if no-one told Samlall where the fabled ‘Kaimoo’ was located.

*Editor’s Note: After a brilliant week, Brooms is tipped to join MoP.