The Undiplomatic Advice
Today Guysnooze brings you an Exclusive report of the
Government of Guyana’s response to the interference by foreign powers in our
internal affairs; one could hardly have missed the weekly pronouncements by the
emissaries of the United States, Canada and The United Kingdom as they seek to
offer ‘guidance’ about every aspect of our daily lives and economic future.
Our Minister of Foreign matters, already afflicted with
‘short man’ syndrome has been under fire from his colleagues for failing to
address the constant stream of ‘friendly advice’ , it was noted that no advice
was forthcoming from any ‘colored’ countries, Africa, China and India have been
quiet and Putin has not instructed his Ambassador to ‘talk down’ to us, our own Uncle Joe let
his views be know clearly “comrade, you got to let these people know in no
uncertain terms that massa day done skunt!, forget the lil tea the President
had wid the Queen, send a strong message with your response, you spend plenty
energy working to become the next president, yes, I know all about that! So mek
yourself a man and deal wid dis eyepass, I will not tell you a second time”
…well that was enough to make Minister Greenish turn pink with embarrassment,
following that the various emissaries to the ABC nations released various bit
of ‘advice’ to their respective host nations.
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Release of Guyana’s Ambassador to dese here United States
Dear USA,
We have noted your Ambassador’s kind words of advice
vis-a-vis wise spending of Oil revenues, we would like to thank you for such
advice as we note you have learned from your stupidity in mortgaging your
children’s future by way of Bond sales to China, Trillions in debt from what we
gather, in this context we can see your advice comes with best of intentions.
We in turn would like to offer a few bits of advice as
follows:
1.
Don’t waste money on a ‘Hooge, tremendous’ wall
on the Mexican Border, the people who want to come into what was formerly
Mexican territory , will climb, burrow, cut holes or change their names to
Mohammed Ali Mohammed and apply for visas, whatever the method, they will come
in your back door.
2.
Stop shooting black people holding innocuous
items in their backyards, their lives do matter.
3.
Do shoot white mass murderers holding smoking
assault rifles at scenes of shootings.
4.
Despite your elections of a partly Black Muslim
and an Orange man as President in your previous two elections, accept that you
have a far way to go in achieving equality in your own country. Work on that
please.
5.
Stop borrowing money from the Chinese. Live
within your means.
6.
We note your derision of our new ‘experts’ in
the oil field, but consider you had Steve Bannon as White House Chief
Strategist recently… it would seem you too have ‘experts’ available.
In closing, do not hesitate to ask our advice on any aspect
of your Country’s Administration, we remain your friends.
Regards
Guyana
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Release of Guyana’s High Commission to the Arctic Frozen
tundra Canada
Dear Canada,
We recognize your attempts to hustle us for a piece of this
Oil pie, we recognize that life in the frozen tundra must get boring and you
seek entertainment, but anyone who elects a twit such as Justin Trudeau cannot
be taken seriously. Consequently your opinion of affairs in Guyana has as much
weight as a frozen poop Popsicle.
Save the good advice for those who care, hey!
Regards
Guyana
Release of Guyana’s High Commissioner to her Majesty’s United
Kingdom
Dear formerly Great Britain,
It is with some measure of grief that we offer the following
advice to you, our former oppressors mother country, it is now obvious
that you have lost all the essence of all that made you great in the distant
past, having been subsumed to the Fourth Reich for many years, you have
resurfaced as a shadow of your former self via Brexit, unfortunately you are a
nation of nincompoops, liberal fascists that defy education. We would like to
offer you some good advice as you seek a better future for your citizens.
1.
Speak English ..bruv!
2.
Take away all the knives in London, yall
stabbing up matte too much now.
3.
Take away the spoons because fat arse is a
problem.
4.
Stop
buggering with your socks on. Take it like men!
5.
Stop inviting people to tea with a dimwitted old
lady. It stopped being charming decades ago.
6.
Your next in line for the Throne would rather be
a tampon than King.
7.
Bathe. Brush those teeth
8.
Let Therese May grow some balls and deal with
the EU.
9.
Jail all your own fucking corrupt politicians
before advising us to do the same.
10.
The red head Prince boy is a blow child.
Cheerio
Guyana.
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We do hope that these three shitty kuntries get the message
and stay out of our business in the future. We have already suffered for many
years due to the kindness shown by the CIA in the sixties and seventies.
*Russia remains a true example of a friendly nation, not a
nation in need of a friend’s assets.
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