The Clamping Whores

The Clamping Whores

“Boss is Thursday, yuh ent going the protest?” Our staff at Guysnooze usually proceeded en masse from our secret headquarters (we friken channa and pineapple bombs) to the Anti-parking Meter protest, but strangely today, our Editor had not budged from his seat, strange indeed as he was the one who sponsored lunch at Shanta’s after such forays…

“Look, I been thinking about this protest thing, you all know I strongly believe that any action that adds a dollar to the cost of living is a bad action and should be rigorously protested and fought until defeated, but ya’ll think this silent protest thing is the best way to skin this cat?” asked the Editor

“Chief, I think you does tek dis vulgarism too far, why yuh cyan say ‘skin this pokey’ like decent people eh?” asked the new sangwich girl from Region 2 … at this the fat Reporter snickered and added “yeah chief, after all we protesting the fucking we getting, the least you could do is use decent terms like ‘contract’ and ‘services’, like wha’ the cathedral crew does use, fuss thing dem does ask is if you doing any ‘business’ when everybody know is Lumber shifting lumbar out deh every night” …

“Shet ya’ll skunt! …who elected ya’ll rabble rousers, leff the editor alone, ya’ll ent see the man got bigger ideas on his mind… you know chief…I was thinking that maybe the Protest could be spiced up with a music segment, and then we could line up on both sides of the road and I…ah me me and my frens could do like a catwalk modeling segment to end off the thing, like sayshay away the day! …how much mo’ of Dreary Land of Geeyana we could tek?” …the Skinny Jeans reporter was back from his Caribbean cruise and was threatening to come out of the closet any day now…

The Editor smiled, “out of the mouth of anti… ahm.. of …well is not a bad idea, just needs some tweaking, I say we ask them to hold dis thing after work, we could reason that many people cannot realistically leave work at midday, many have to travel too far to join the protest, an after work lime protest would solve nuff of those problems, those who barred or are afraid of being seen at the protest due to workplace bans could say they just happened to be going home and were caught on camera holding a cardboard for a friend… is nuff people who want to protest but the timing fucking dem up”

“Chief, I tek back what I said about you being a fossilized skunthole, you is a genius, after work would make it possible for a few ‘kool down’ carts to park up, Guinness and Banks could do rival promotions, Dax and Big Daddy could pull out the Burger and Bar-B-Q wagons and this thing could really show the Council we mean business by helping those small businesses, and wid all dem nice office girls..ah mean silent protest ent helping the bai dem cause, better it be a more information sharing session and lil beer and cutters does help the digits pass easier”… said the Fat Reporter excitedly…too excitedly it would seem as the Editor could not recall being called a ‘fossilized skunthole’ previously… he was seen making a note to ‘deal wid fatboy later’.

The entire Guysnooze newsroom was galvanized to begin organizing this ‘After work protest’ , first call was to the Rumrades who were more than willing to join the struggle, the MAPM was a whole other story, turns out after Dave Martins sing he song, Pat and Roy been by Brutal Tracks and lay down one of their own… if yuh hear them …

The Clamping Whores

Said the Pimps

To the Whores

I’ll pay you more

For every clamp affixed

A top up fee

From me to you

And there arose

Across the town

A startling sound

Of whores clamping down

Chorus

There is no park for free

I gon ress the clamp on she

Ah doh kay if he stop to pee

I dropping the clamp on he

I doan kay of you pay or not

You gon get the lock

I jus doan give a fock

I doh kay if you on the way

To pay the parking fee

I clamping you instantly

Is a much bigger fee

You will have to pay

And if yuh try to get away

I calling the constable

He will lock you up

And throw way the key

So make haste

And pay the clamping fee

If yuh only stop to pee…

Chorus

There is no park for free

I gon ress the clamp on she

Ah doh kay if he stop to pee

I dropping the clamp on he

I doan kay of you pay or not

You gon get the lock

I jus doan give a fock

*True thing passing as joke but an After Work Protest has real potential.