SOCU Song & Dance

SOCU Song & Dance

It was 2 PM on a previously unremarkable Tuesday and our Editor was napping, his belief that all news happens in the morning or late at night led to his scheduling of his “Afternoon Siesta” from 1 PM to Whenever the phone rang, it did not take long on this fateful day…the calls and questions were flying faster than our sleep befuddled Editor could process “You hear dem lock up Lunchman for questioning?” “Wha’ you think?” …our Editor ill-advisedly answered “not my circus, not my monkey” which in this racially charged environment led the Animal Rights Association folks to call and lambast him for involving “innocent animals” in Politics, the Editor replied that not all Animals were innocent, remember the Goat that bite comrade Rohee?... Then the Editor rushed into the newsroom to begin gathering information for the Evening Edition.

Guysnooze ‘sources’ are a well guarded secret and so we were able to obtain a transcript of Questioning by Agents of the Special Opposition Control Unit (SOCU) not to be confused with SARU,NANU, NANI,NANA,MAMOO or AHGEE  the other related state enforcement agencies.

SOCU: Good Afternoon Dr, glad you could join us, would you take a seat please Sir.

DR. L: Thank you for offer of a seat but my caducity is merely an façade, my faculties remain in full effect and I will not fall prey to your chicanery, take a seat indeed, that is state property, I would be very much in the wrong should I take it…now my dear man, I understand you are British?

SOCU: Dear Doctor, Indeed I am, how did you guess? What gave it away? My accent? My crooked teeth? My clothing? I am curious to know…

DR. L: Your affliction of accouchement was easily discernible by the coat of arms on the passport protruding from your upper compartment of your vestment old bean.

SOCU: Indeed, very sharp, now Doctor, you are being accused of buying a house lot at a subsidized price, you paid 1 million for a lot conservatively valued at 100 time that, what do you say to that charge?

DR L: I am heartened to see that after two years that only such a nebulous accusation can be made against my person, real estate values are not exact science, we had a case where a well know accountant was making noises on the value of the land where the Marriot now stands, he argued with great conviction and vehemence that it was valued at 75 Million United States Dollars, however market value of a comparative nature showed that the adjoining lot of comparable size, complete with a Hotel of International repute and all amenities could not fetch 8 Million USD on the open market, in fact of recent vintage due to the complete mal-administration of the country, i would posit that real values have fallen to a mere fraction of those previously assumed, I would liken this situation to the parable of the Golden Ass…

SOCU: The Golden Ass?... I am afraid I don’t know that one Doctor...

DR. L: Not surprised,you Eaton chaps do more buggering than studying, keep your socks on, it’s simply a fable with the moral being that everything looks Golden to Asses.

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SOCU Agent: (goes outside to get help) Could I get a local in here to translate? I understand the words the Doctor is speaking but I believe I am missing the meaning; here is the transcript so far, what do you think he is trying to say?

Constable Brown: Sor, is abvious, you is a white man, he know you ent gon beat he skunt wid no rubber hose, dis man could kerfuffle Christ! , you wasting yuh time, gimme five minutes wid he skunt and I will mek he sing like a kreketay.

SOCU: Out of the question, I did not come here to become an agent of state torture and to tell the truth, I am beginning to understand the warnings I received about questioning this man, they do say his Wednesday Cabinet pressers were an exercise in futile agony for all.

SOCU: Doctor, you may leave, thank you for coming and all further questions will be sent via email to your lawyer.

Dr. L: My good man, I do have more time, I mean you went to a lot of trouble to acquire my presence for your inane questioning, you do appear discombobulated, did the clarity of my answers throw off your preconceived notions as to my innocence?

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SOCU agent to Constable Brown: what’s he doing now?

Constable Brown: he jus’ fucking you up sor, he know you ent got rubber hose, water or board and dat is the only way to get information from a Guyanese, licks is the only way we does talk, this fancy sit down thing is a big pappy show… who else you want we arrest? We all know this is just a Song & Dance to distract people from real issues. 

SOCU Agent: Tell everybody else go home, I think I will take a lie down now.

Breaking News!!!!! SOCU Agent under Suicide Watch