Domestic Threats!

Domestic Threats!

The Guysnooze reporters sat in the boardroom in sullen silence, after all it was after midnight on a Friday night, this is the last place they wanted to be, “likker flowing like water outside and we deh coop up in hay wid no cutters, I feel fuh lef dis wuk” grumbled the fat reporter, just then the Editor stormed in “ how the hell a domestic threat to national security is announced and I ent get a whisper from none of you” he shouted, banging his fist on the table, “ I want to know, the public wants to know, what exactly should we be afraid of?” …. He looked around… “ well sor, you should be afraid that people will find out a brite banna like you ending sentences with prepositions” cracked the skinny jeans reporter…. “calm down, I know the whole story already” “me too chief” chimed in the new girl… “I was going to give you the scoop tomorrow sir, I was still extracting details from my informant when you called us to come back to the office” said the fat man…. “ well, I am pleased to see you guys are on the ball, but just to be sure we will go over the stories and  co-ordinate the information, for the sake of clarity” said the editor with a beaming smile, you girl, lemme hear what you know.

“Well, is like dis, I hear dat a gang of men plan fuh steal the KFC recipe, they say if they learn the correct mix of 11 herbs and spices they could become the most powerful men in Guyana”… “even if I believe dis nancy story, how would the KFC recipe nake dem powerful and a threat to domestic security?” asked the editor skeptically… “ well, they say that who controls the KFC recipe controls our most precious resource, Dangles, the source of 90% of western union transactions, the reason mo’ people ent drink Indian tonic or buy lil rope from the hardware… you see the line in KFC since it open back, dem Dangles does get Kinky For Chicken ” .. ‘hmm, I see your point, what’s the source of information?”…. “sor, mih sweetman tell mih sister who tell me”…. “so, why the sweetman ent tell you?” asked the puzzled editor… “was she turn lass nite, and mih husband does come home early pon weeknights so….” …”seems to me ‘sweetman might be more of a domestic threat than controlling Dangles wid KFC, everybody hear dis same story?”

“No bass, meeno bout dis girl domestic situation though I suspek she does beat she husban’, I hear is all these stage robberies, the main suspecks is dese Link show actors and reactors who dressing up like police fuh crack stale joke, dem does tek too long fuh land the plane, dey could learn a thing or two from Scullyburger…” said the skinny jeans reporter.

“look dis is no time for jokes” said the fat reporter “I know the whole story, but I been drinking with my sources at Roopa’s so, I lil tipsy, dis is wha’ I hear, is a group of old politicians who are meeting and plotting to rob the country blind, dese men plan fuh thief, Oil money, Sugar land, rice , gold ...man I hear they plan fuh thief the dirt from under fingernail if yuh lapse and dese is serious men, when they meet is plenty new black cyar wid tint so dark dat yuh cyan see inside, plenty bodyguard an ting”… “now this sound more like a threat” …shouted the editor excitedly… “wha’ mo yuh know?” … “ I hear dey been planning dis thing long, is A Plan Now Unfolding, they meeting at the army base every week now fuh security reasons” … “ army camp? …you stupid skunt , dat is the cabinet yuh talking ‘bout, how they gon plot to thief…oh, wait… oh skunt!...look, meeting adjourned, yall could go home now, we gon publish the story ‘bout the dangers of Dangles and Sweetman to Domestic Life and the use of Martial law to ensure Marital bliss” …and with dat, the Editor avoided all the eyes in the room and headed home early.

·         *Consider that Policmen now tell women the only way to avoid a traffic ticket is to give up their cell phone numbers, seems like the GPF want to become the Sweetman of choice.