Goons Driving Fast

Goons Driving Fast- the week in review 1/12/2016

With the shutdown of the news service looming the mood in the Guysnooze office is rather dreary," is like everybady in hey gat drapsy" bellowed the editor, "boys we need to go down fighting, girls, ya'll need to clap some roti while we still got flour, an' larn fuh mek pinetart an cheeseroll nah, how hard cud it be?" ... blank stares were offered in return " nothing ent happening chief" someone offered, "exactly, nothing..no business, no convictions, no ideas apart from lil renaming of tings, but I have a few leads for you to folow up, look sharp"...

The big story this week was the tale related by the beauty queen dis week, it has captured the attention of everyone, the obvious points must be made. 

1. she brudder lil slow, not in driving after all he escaped the Goons Driving Fast who were chasing him but to be honest, he shoulda tell the girl run back inside the house while he try wid lil karate or someting

 2. The following of orders can get you killed, no...not the top brass orders, the orders from yuh wife during a high speed chase, yuh see dem got two kinda wife, one woulda mek yuh stop and let she out and the odder an would gat yuh busy wid instructions during the chase, "jam he,mash! mash! (the accelerator) cut he aff, trurn tru hey, dem kinda instructions is bad fuh yuh health,.

Fus old bai say no inquiry needed, then he office say everybady lie pon he, how he only suggest how he din interfere, like grandad forget he is president... hope he still recognizing dem gran-pickanny .

Well after the Goons story buss, life pun the dam get busy, yuh know how the USA got the illuminati, Beyonce and JayZee an' dem Bushes, well Guyana we gat the Ignormi, a bunch of ignoramuses that congregate on the dam or as we call it Mostly facebook page...  'who caused the pyle up should be jail" "I hope she gets pyles" " it is well know dat she is Brassington outside chile" ...we had to leave quickly after dat one...

In odder news Minister Newbroom was asked to sweep somewhere else, she was moved to natural resources which caused the goat man to have kittens and gag on about conflict of interest as a lack of interest in what he has to say grows..or shrinks..whateva...

In response, the Ministry of Ministers clarified the position of Newbroom by issuing the following:

 We wuld like to clarify for the idiots out there that while Mrs.newbroom does have mining claims and is assigned to the Ministry of natural resources and gold is a natural resource, that no conflict of interest exist because she has been tasked with overseeing another natural resource, namely Puss, it may be of interest to Cde. Goatman that Mrs. Newbroom always had an interest in puss, especially puss wid nuff traffic, but make no mistake Puss is a large small and tightly controlled natural resource.

The minister herself explained further at her newsbroom conference.

Puss is a natural resource, while we all have puss (????) yuh neva hear " like you puss got gold in it?" well, we did studies that show 70 percent of remittances or 14% GDP  is produced by puss, tight pokey is big business, my job is to ensure this resource is well protected, no underage pokey bizness on my watch, and dem with buss puss will get charge for false advertising, those with the much appreciated "turtleness" will be rewarded with tax incentives including duty free panty and lingerie, sex lube and vibrating dildos ribbed for the ultimate is pleasure , yuh kno the rabbit one dat does hit the spot, are also going to be duty free to owners of Puss. Do you kno the remigration/pokey correlation? well dis minister means to find out!

Today the CEO of Not Carrying News resigned, she says she did so voluntarily and for her sanity, when asked if she had left because of the government's "No Indian lef' behine" program, she said no, I lef becauze dem arder we fuh pay rudee sang nuf time, ah jus' coulndan tek ahm nah mo"

New House minister came out firing with new policies to sell house and house lot to people without children, when informed that this had begun under the previous administration AFTER the needs of those with children had be met by and large, she shouted, is me idea dey trying fuh steal it, this led to one commentator to state it would be easy to differentiate between the ministers named Patterson, sharp and ... not so sharp....

We leave you with our alternative tune today Brother Bob singing Exodus -movement of jah-gan people...