Chief Electricity Officer

Chief Electricity Officer

“Good News at last for the ‘suppose-ed’ power company” proclaimed the Editor “somebody ketch sense and import a Manager from foreign, acceptance of one’s limitations, no matter how painful is a sign of maturity” he continued in a sanguine tone “if dat was true the penis enhancement industry would never make the billions it makes every year Chief” piped up the Sangwich girl Female Reporter “ya’ll could talk ‘bout motion in ocean till the cows come home but nuttin beats a bigger boat” she laughed, some of the younger reporters blushed but the Editor was an old campaigner and he quickly retorted “we not discussing your ocean, let’s do a ‘fly on the wall piece’ on this new CEO’s first day, I am sure that will be more interesting than Sheila’s proclivity for men who wear Magnums”… and with that he waved his hand dismissively and went out for lunch, the Female Reporter was heard muttering ‘meen even name Sheila” to no one in particular.

A day in the life of a GPL CEO

After the unexpected announcement of his appointment on Friday morning , the new CEO sprung into action, I want to visit all the power plants and address the workers he said…of course what he actually said was “mih waan see wha gwan at dem plant fee meeself, den me go ‘av a chat wid the werkers scene? Yuh think dem gun av a problem wid I man accent?” , His personal assistant was quick to assure him that he would be understood easily as he sounded like most popular DJ’s and Radio Station Selectors ‘ah same ting dem a talk pon dee rajoe everyday bass, yuh sound jess’ like we” .

After a day of shaking hands and other mundane tasks our intrepid Jamaican found ‘heself’  touring the Garden of Heeden Power facility, as he walked he talked loudly to the assembled work force, “I man come fee change tings roung ya, so when oonoo find oonoo self slacking pan the jab, I waan yuh to remembah, ah jamacy run tings now and jamacy nah stan’ fee no foolishness, fus’ ack I making is to change the name of dis carporation, n longer shall we be Fukin Gphell Ink, I man changing it to ..boombaclath!!!” our CEO had tripped over a Line and complete darkness ensued, in the Garden of Eden, the East Bank, West Bank, and so too the entire Coastal Plain, the power outage was not noticed in Regions One, Two, Three,Seven,Eight and Nine which never had electricity to begin with, so for all intents and purposes, the CEO had caused a Country wide blackout on his first day… “So we is boombaclath GPHell now?” one wag asked from the security of the darkness “ is who talk dat” demanded the CEO “ I want to know who leff dis Line here, when I find the culprit he will feel the pressure” he snarled “Wha if the He is a She or a He who want to be a She or even a She who is a He?  Piped a voice from the safe anonymity provided by the darkness, amid the plethora of ensuing laughter the CEO shouted “ dat sound like a lil boy, we got chirren werkin’ here?....look me nah come here to discuss batty business, somebody plug dis Line back in and get the consumers lights back on!!!” a grave silence ensued, you could hear the proverbial pin drop...then the Union rep spoke “ ahmm sor, we can’t do that, it would violate policy”... The CEO was livid ‘wha’ the bloodclath yuh ah tell me here? We cyan jess put the people light back on, like we suppose to? By the almighty Bob Marley!!! ah wah’ really gwan in dis place”… “ well, sor, is company policy that in the event of a blackout, accidental or not, that consumers be kept in the dark long enough to ensure that they are so grateful when lights come back that they involuntarily shout ‘lights lights’ like idiots and forget to call us names, before you interrupt sor, this is Guyana National Policy since Burnham turned a blind eye to importation and sale of Sardines, Grapes and Ice Apples during the Christmas of 1977, this policy of deprivation followed by seeming largess worked so well that the Kabaka got 90% of the popular vote in the Referendum of 1978, since then the Principle has been applied to all sectors of life …sor, so like when Football World Cup come later this year, we watch the game times and give plenty outages before important games, so that consumers are grateful when they get to watch games and we come out like heroes! I could give you more examples if you want, but in private sor, the ears have walls if you know what I mean”  … “ me tink me hear enough, I think I am going to go have a lie down now, Kerry on until further notice and will somebody please tell me what the hell  an ‘Ice Apple’ is?”

GPL Press Release

Trip causes Nationwide Blackout

In odder news, Prize Whining Fictional Policy Writer continued to engage Caught Banging Juniors (CBJ) Teacher on the issue of bite marks on his sandwich, The master of policy continues to attest that his bread and butter sandwich was bitten before it was cool enough to do so ‘it against the law to bite a sangwich less than 17 mins out the oven, I wait at least 18 to be sure”  CBJ fired back that he was the one who buttered the bread first and should therefore be thanked and not vilified. No doubt a stretch of being buttered inside of what’s left of Lot 12 will change his (CBJ's) outlook.

Local Headlines

Hard Times: Roundabout contract not a straightforward process alleges BKay.

Guyana Karnic: Rupunini magistrate encourages area residents to ‘bribe buy local’.

Stabber News: “No need for Law school, I will teach Basil in Court” says Nandlall.

Cochore News : ExxonMobile is the Devil! #oilcontracts.

*Editor's note: 35 Gun Crimes in 32 days and yet more dead from Minibus 'accidents'