Cash Sniffing Dangles

Cash Sniffing Dangles 

“Call Eric Phillips and find out if all awhee still Black or if dis Lucy skeleton is a hoax” snarled the Editor, the weekend crew were startled out of their pleasant stupor, one poor mook even turned off the television and tried to look as if he wasn’t crying at the licks Everton were getting from Arsenal, “what exactly you want to know Chief” asked the Fat Reporter... instead of a straight answer, the Editor launched into a tirade...

 “I want to know if  Massa day come back and if it apply to all  awhee in GT, because couple week back, Massa only mention cash sniffing dogs and Rumjuton done hustling fuh buy two, if our bright spark of a Minister had only stopped for a minute to think for himself, he would have figured out how dunce dis move is, jus’ look at how much Drugs the Drug sniffing dogs sniff out… exactly! NONE! Dem Dog does get exchange before they take dey first shit on the grass hay!” …”but Chief …persons may be hiding money in dey house and ting! Is a good tool for fighting money laundering” piped up the girl reporter and Massa is a dacta!... Dr. Stickyton or something… well he head picky-picky anyways… she trailed off under the baleful stare of the Editor…. “Idiots! If you want to find cash in GT you doan buy expensive Cash Sniffing Dogs (CSD) you jus’ got to employ two Cash Spending  Dangles (CSD) to search property, they will find everything, Money! Drugs! ….Pffftt! Dangles will find panty yuh sweet ‘oman lef fuh yuh wife find in 2013, Bukta the wife sweetman leff when he jump out the side window last week, every black cent you got in the house, garage and rubbish bim,  Dangles would mek dem Dawg look like skunt!”… Shouted the Editor… “and how come we guvment ok with some ass treating all the Citizens like thief and drug dealers, if Forbes been alive I sure he woulda tell that lil jumped up colonial to go look in the Queen house, every blasted thing in she house get thief from somewhere, Diamonds from India, Tea Set from China, Husband from Greece… the nerve of the British to call people thief...and we got to spend good money for Cash Sniffing Dawgs now…ever wonder what one of dem costs? No doubt they ‘trained’ by the Royal Dog Sniffing Society in Donkeyshire or some skunt, Last I heard it costs about 70 thousen USD per Dog and dat don’t come with guarantees that dem cyan smell poison in Kibbles and Bits… to think Awhee Petroleum Now Unlimited and we still listening to man talk 'bout dawg... 

“Can’t we do a ‘positive’ piece for a change chief?” pleaded the Skinny Jeans reporter “is a new year and my astrologist says I should surround myself with positivity”…. “Sure, you do something positive, maybe on the nuff new radio and Tv stations licenses issuing but Linden still deh pon ‘soon come’ ,  Children Need Sex network (C.N.S) gon broadcast fuh years before Linden get sort out, or you could do a piece on People We Admire, start with the Director of Public Information (DPI), whom moonlights as the all powerful Director of Private Insults (DPI), He must be a Superhero to pull stunts like this and get away with them, Kaptin Fucough to the rescue!!!  then you can follow up with praise of the long overdue Carry-On Inquiring into the “troubles” , see who will get the blame, The Phantoms, The Buxtonians, Jagdeo or The Joint Services… and by the way, wha’ ‘joint Services’ really mean, it seems every big robbery one of the ‘joint ranks’ involved? Does it mean that Police and Thief is a single entity with two parts? …Or that the thieves smoking ‘joints’ before robberies? … dat should keep you positively busy for a week.

“as for the rest of you” said the Editor in a calmer tone, I get plenty calls from contractors about ‘Guyana’s First Roundabout’ on Public Road, seems the contract ent award yet and nuff asking for advice on how to get the wuk, ya’ll go and investigate, report back for tomorrow’s edition…

How to Get a Roundabout Contract

5. Demonstrate you have the requisite engineering skills by presenting a plan that shows a Circle, not a Square, Triangle or Rhombus . #important

4. Present color plan showing ‘Statehouse Green’ circle with Yellow trim and an X in middle of intersection indicating that it will be built ‘round ‘bout here’

3. Paint all Vehicles in your Company fleet ‘Statehouse Green’ with Yellow trim.

2. Present Academic discussion on the significance of a Roundabout in a Nation that has come full circle.

1. Plan should show a Statue of Burnham or something in center of Roundabout.

*Editor’s note; Government should Be Kareful in awarding dis Contract.