Public Service Announcements

 Public Service Announcements

Our Editor was ebullient, walking through the newsroom as happy as a child with a pack of crayons and a newly painted white wall “wake up you slackers!” he bellowed, “it is time to do something for your country for a change, was it not JFK who said, ask not …. And you will get not?” … 

“Chief, Kennedy never said that” piped up the Fat Reporter… 

“how you know he neva seh dat” shot back the Editor “you bin deh?” … “anyways, he was a Democrat who owned slaves and he father was a nazi lover, so whatever he say or did not say is of no great import, what is important is what minister Hughes said… we get to write and produce our own Public Service Announcements, now that is exactly what we are going to do today, now We don’t want regular PSA’s like Don’t dump fucking garbage here or Don’t piss here skunt  we want quality advice for Guyanese citizens, written in language the everyman can understand for example “If yuh have loley and run mad, do not take off yuh clothes, lef dat for man with LOLO, loley man not qualified to be naked madman”…so leh we team up and show we can cooperate and make Guyana great.

And so the news team split into small groups to brainstorm, at the end of the day we picked some of the better ones to produce.

What to do if stopped by the Police.

Citizen: (Roll down heavily tinted window and say “goodnight Officer, you and the boys must be thirsty working on such a hot night (even if it is raining), can I leave some money for you to buy some refreshments later? Here’s a Granger… you have a good night too sir” …Pull away slowly from roadblock…wave to black youths being searched for ‘seeds and stems’… DO NOT light your spliff until clear of roadblock.

What to do if stopped by the Police while Black.

Black Citizen: Do nothing, Say nothing, anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law, it can also get you a severe beating and 72 hours imprisonment.

Allow the following: Strip of your tint, search of vehicle and person, close examination of your documents, questions on how you can afford car, if you are (hot) female, the officer may ask for your cell number, do not give a fake number as he will call you right there, feel free to change sims after.

Wave to the fat skunt who jus’ leff a raise wid the boys…

You are allowed to complain about this treatment AFTER you get home and get on FACEBOOK.

What to do if thiefman in your house.

• Post on Fb: Thief in mih house ..help, 
• Cover yourself with the Blood of Jeezus, 
• hope for the best. 

This message courtesy Ministry of Security.

What to do if sweetman in your house.

Leave packets of ‘MAGNUM’ condoms in strategic spots around the house, no woman will put up with an insecure Sweetman , for the bad-minded, you can also leave some tubes of Norton’s Special Lube . (Available at the Sussex street Bond)

How to answer questions at a Commission of Inquiry (Because at this rate all of us will have to answer questions sooner or later)

In response to any question asked you are free to use any of the following as an answer:

• ·         I cannot recall
• ·         I do  not know
• ·         I uses to fuck his wife, sor.

How to deal with GPL

Have a Family fun night, play games such as Hide and Seek and Find the Candle for Mommy.

Have Adult games night, play games such as Hide and Peep and Hide the Candle in Mommy.

How to deal with GTT

Grin and bear it, Blaze will fix the problems.

How to deal with Digi

Call the hotline, tell them your name is Detective Homes and you are looking into the case of the Missing Credit. Threaten to jail dem.

How to spot a Dangles

Go Palms Court or Club Privilege , look around…is Wall to All Dangles, Whifey material deh home watching Game of Thrones reruns and imagining Dragons not wining up like Gorgons.

PSA on Upcoming events in GT:

• ·     Nightly mini-bus races/ Smash up.
• ·         Chinee restaurant stick up
• ·         Stabroek Friday nite choke ‘n stroke
• ·          Pick the Pogwolly date
• ·         Protest the Pogwolly date choice
• ·         Vat on School Fees protest (September)
• ·         Protest of the Protest on Vat on School fees (also September) 
•      Protest the Return of Parking Meters
• 
  

How to Handle Street harassment

All beautiful women know the problem of street harassment all too well but the Ugleeshas can also get a few Cat-calls due to the fatness of the aforementioned Cat... Ideally, women would own Guns and shoot these assholes, but we do not live is such a Utopia and the burden falls upon the Hot women to deal with the asinine Guyanese male, here are some tips for dealing with these Ignormai.

• ·         Ignore them (boring but safe)
• ·         Respond “like yuh mother own”
• ·         Walk wid an Anti-man  Gay fren to buse dem.

We do hope the preceding Public Service Announcements will inspire our local media and broadcast organizations to engage as requested by Minister Hughes.

Have a blessed day: The Guysnooze Team