My Kingdom for a Judge
The Guysnooze newsroom was silent and gloomy, our editor had
asked a seemingly simple question over an hour ago… no reporter was as yet
brave enough to answer… nervous glances were exchanged, eyes downcast and meaningful
conversations avoided…finally the Editor spoke again “I ask you again, it got
to be a judge or not?” …. “Look boss” the fat reporter finally spoke up, “judges
important ,ah mean the country got nuff pageants, and still look at the chub-a-lubs
we sen up fuh Miss Whirl, the only ting she shoulda go up for is Miss Take or
Miss Cake, she ent Miss Many Meals.. so I say maybe it got to be a professional
Judge” …. “so what happen to the Christian ting, Judge ye not least ye be Judged?”
replied the editor with a touch of sarcasm… “ why bring race in the ting chief”
said the skinny jeans reporter “after all the chinee people jus’ get they own
day an’ you judging Yee…not kool man, not kool” … well things deteriorated
quicker than comments on a Gordon Mostly post, the editor informed the skinny jeans
reporter of the many sexual proclivities possessed by his mother and her propensity
for producing idiot offspring, things calmed down once the new sangwich girl
female reporter brought in sandwiches
and asked , “well if Presi want a man mo’ judgy-judgy than Christ Ram, who he
really want? Ah mean Old man Ram is judge everything that pass, law, parking
meter, beauty pageant , who does mine yuh wife… the man does write a booklet judging
the Budget fuh chrissake!” … The editor quieted down and declared “the girl
rite! Leh we look fuh a mo’ judgy person than Ram! … it going to be hard, get
some names and leh we reconvene at 1PM”…
Meeting to discuss Judgy-Judgy people.
Editor: Look I spoke to Justice Surujbally to ask his
opinion on the matter… ‘fuckoff is one word or two?
Fat Reporter: I nominate Freddie
Ed: he not Judgy…he jus’ fucking opinionated and stupit no
skunt! Yuh feel is shop girls wukkin’ gecon? He cyan bully nobody else...
Skinny Jeans Reporter: I nominate Cheng!
Ed: yuh gone back pon dis Chinee focking ting again? How the
skunt he gon be chairman? Always pushing fire! Why he cyan open a restaurant like he
brethren? He too good fuh fry rice? He could call it Oracle Chinee Food , get
what you pay for.
Ed: ow gawd, look lass time Stan-lee been roung he was a
minister and featured in a legendary Sunday cartoon, the one with Burnham
riding a horse and he walking behind with a bucket ketchin’ the shit… old man
Harris was a boss yes… I doubt a former Pricey New Cadillacs (PNC) man could
be chairman.
Fat Reporter: how bout Nigel Huge …
Ed: and how the tv station gon get coverage of he? After the
press canfrence, he gon confiscate all the tapes… plus he is chairman of All
Fat Cats (AFC) and Group Of Greedy Assholes (GOGA). He busy trying fuh grate cheese.
Female Reporter: Boss, doan tek dis the wrang way..but how
bout you..ah mean you is one judgy-judgy muddahskunt , no disrespect … but you
ent got regards fuh nobady!
Ed: Wait…Is me elect dis set of dunces? ..or the last
set?... I is they mother or father that din teach dem fuh read till the end of
the sentence? .. “OR any other fit and proper person” skunt , how hard was dat
fuh read and understand skunt? Is me gat big men whoring they intellect fuh a few dollars to support obvious skunt? …look meeting adjourned… I got some dismissal
letters to write!
Editor’s Note: Please read to the end, this and any other sentence you may be trying to comprehend.
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