How to land a Billionaire!

How to land a Billionaire! 

In a shrinking economy a few things happen, one most notable micro-enterprise springs up in our midst, Marriage, yes, traditionally ye olde standby of young lovers in good times, this enterprise becomes ironically  popular in hard times by those looking for a soft ride, it becomes attractive to all, from young maidens to Iron maidens and many a dangles betwixt.

With a plethora of celebrity women SUCH AS Rihanna and Serena hooking up with Billionaires many a GT Girl and/or old Fowl are asking themselves “Where’s my Billionaire?”  and “How do I ensnare same?” …well fear not, the Guysnooze Team while not billionaires do have connections to that world, our cousin’s first wife had a mother that used to clean Abramovic’s toilet on Tuesday’s, so we know what we are talking about when we present to you the full guide to securing your very own Billionaire.

The first step on the road to being a satisfied Mrs. Billionaire is an honest self-assessment, in the words of our prize winning author “is your glimmitty still glammitty?” The answer is crucial to your chances of success; many billionaires are Chinese who dislike swimming in Oceans, to help you we present the Glammity Scale 0-10

Score	Description	Possibilities
0	Is it in?	None!
1	Barbados Ocean	Hugh Hefner (He’s after Arm Candy, Glammitty not an Issue)
2	Harrison’s Cave	Lamont (Sanford son) Dummy!
3	Georgetown Cathedral	Pope London
4	Oasis Cafe	Starving Writer, well known for being a big dick!
5	肥猫 (Féi māo)	Wang Hung Dong (Chinese Billionaire)
6	KFC	Finger licking Billionaires abound!
7	Tight like a Tiger	Austin Power’s Fasher
8	Tight n’ Sweet	Mr. Beyonce (think he name Jay Cee, neways the big lip bannas)
9	Hotel California	They can check out anytime they like but they can never leave…
10	Snapping Turtle	The shiznit! Please contact us for confirmation tests.

Unfortunately, the Glammitty of your Glimmitty is not all that’s required for you to wrest those Billionaires away from the likes of Serena and Rihanna, after all those ladies bring athletic ability and some ‘other’ skills to the table, so where are you on the “Sexperience” scale? Do you even know what Monkey Style is? Time for the Sexperience Scale: 

Description	Score	Possibilities
Missionary	1	Grass cutter
Drunken Master	2	Bank Clerk
Cat on Hot Tin Roof	3	Minister of Government
Monkey	4	Pope
Karma Sutra Slut	5	You are on your way to the High Life!
Doggy	6	Millionaire
Doggy with friends…	7	Millionaires
Doggy with friends while Dwarf records	8	Multi-Millionaire
Let Dwarf join in…	9	Son of a Billionaire
Agouti look back	10	The shiznit! Please contact us for confirmation tests.

As you can see from the above scales and performance required, snagging a billionaire is not an easy task, should you however feel that you measure high enough on both scales, please feel free to contact the newsroom for an independent examination, not to worry, we know a dwarf…. 

Editor’s Note* Do not fall for the Billionaire trick of ‘taste n’ buy'... you are not a Ginep!