CV Bandits

CV Bandits

99 bandits jumping over the wall

If popo shoot one and he happen to fall

98 bandits still jumping that wall

If you shoot one and he happen to fall

97 Bandits still having a ball

Our editor was humming the new Christmas hit tune as he walked through the newsroom, the staff eyed him warily, how could a man be humming about the crime rate? And just after the budget from hell? The only defense offered for the draconian budget was “…but did you die?” and the man humming… “end of days” mutterer the fat reporter… “it shall come to pass that the wise shall lose their minds” , “cheer up staff” bellowed the ebullient editor, this year’s staff party is going to be the best, we not holding one, we too brucks but we get invite to cover GOGA’s after all that good publicity we gave them, so the plan is to eat and drink like is we own party, just like they pretending that the Oil Exxon find is dem own, is turkey and ham tomorrow night! Likker like water, but before we go sport, we got to do some work, Jaggy send Presi a list of nominees for Chair of GECON, now Presi asking for CV an’ ting, and remember the person we say would get pick in September? The one who say he not interested? Well we bai starring pon the list! …so leh we crack open the googles and get the real CV’s of these people, I ent want hear how much book they write or pencil they sell, our readers want the nitty gritty, what makes them tick, who really got a chance to get dis wuk, who jus’ filling up space…wuk up and then we can go drink we poison.

One hour later the reporters dumped the following on the Editor’s desk:

Rumesh Do Koo: No chance, probable filler, might as well have been Captain Jerry.

Ms. Rihanna Show: No Chance, Her interpretation that One people means one set of People, not all the people is a clear disqualifier. Might as well be Ravi Dave.

The Lawyer Guy: if wishes were horses… Lawrence would ride an Arabian.

Kris Rum: Formerly known as Captain Sours, a Fair and Unbalanced individual, an obvious no-no.

Prof. Carnation: Presi is a Historian, doubt he want competition.Fair and Balanced individual, an obvious no-no.

(RTD)General Norman Dayclean: jump high, jump low, but don’t deny the obvious ,ah mean, we tell yuh dis laang now.

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So while the public gamesmanship plays out, we suggest our readers enjoy the tunes of the season.

10. 99 bandits jumping the wall –-- Constable Brown aka Boy Blue

9. Easy lesson good fuh dunce---- the Scholarly Ministers

8. Whorehouse VAT (you doan pay no toll, you doan get to pole)---  The Dangles Crew

7. Simply the Blessed (My Pope) - 9 Inch Nailed

6. Patto, who’s paying for the baby? – Homestretch Inc.

5. I lost my ‘iSM’ in Sophia– Jaggy & the New Day

4. Big Boy, Big Ride- Basil and the Land Cruisers

3. Baby, please answer, I need you – 911

2. Love in the dark---- Get Plenty  Larr (GPL)

1. Liming Toll –  Mall rats

*To regular folks, eat drink and be merry, to my transgender readers, eat, drink and be Mary!

Merry/Mary Christmas!