If is WAR they want….
Is war they gon get!
These fighting words from well now Guyanese Facebook bullies (not to be
confused with coolie bullies) …” the Venoes have bitten of more than they can
chew this time, compadres!” Shouted Guysnooze Editor- in -Chief (war time
title)
We are working assiduously with all citizens to repel this
threat to our sovereignty, and as such have been gathering suggestions and
making war plans for months, well …some days now. It is up to us the citizens
of Guyana to fight, we were also invited to the War room to discuss said plans
with the big cheeses in the army, coast guard and guvment, the following is a
redacted for security purposes transcript of the meeting.
Prime Minister: All rise for El Presidente!
El P: Don’t call me that, sounds spanishy, El jefe will do
nicely thank you.
GZ: boss, dis is not the time for niceness, them venoes
tekkin’ dey eye pass we, we got to…(interrupted)
EL J: yes, I understand your patriotism and commend it, at
least you got plans, that jackass Benchkak declare war without consultation! One
day somebody gon cuff he in he (redacted) mouth, but that’s another matter, I
have some questions about these plans of your, for instance, none involve the
GDF?
GZ: yea…. in all the planning, great care was taken not to
harm any Venoes, last thing we want is to get them angry, dat gat dead in it,
we barely got people, we cayn be deadin’ needlessly, is brains we need, not
brawn. Samjay? Good ….and leh we be honest, dem GDF banna got enough worries
with seawall CG bandits….
El J: so what is the Cow Shit Scenario you got on this list?
GZ: well El Zapata, is where we send Cow Shit and some
GRA to the barder to tax maduro soilder dem, we know he brucks , so when Cow
Shit drop the duty pun dem old war tank and water taxis…oh sorry “gunboats” ,
we will stop dem in they tracks literally.
El J: if they don’t stop Cow Shit wid two rocket fus, not
bad..but what about the suggestion for dialogue…
GZ: aha, yes El Comandente, the Chow Pow –Pow Wow plan would
involve sending stale joke specialist Chow Pow to parley vous spanyol wid dem
Henerals , dem old no sk(redacted)unt, so we expect many will dead while
waiting fuh he to “land the plane” …so to speak.
El J: and the Ghetto Barbie plan? Do we send her to seduce
the generals?
GZ: no El Gran Senor! , we sen’ she fuh thief the boats,
planes, war tank, water tank, payroll, anything that not nail down she could
mambo! Dat gurl could thief dirt from under yuh fingernail! She on-fleek!
El J: hmm…well I am not interested in the “life pun dee dam”
plan, figure it involves Mosely, I have
an exclusive with Ma-likes…so you understand….
GZ: perfectly El Cappuccino ! Now should we discuss the
(lowers voice to whisper) Amnot Ally Nuclear option?
El J: (whispering) I friken to ask… yuh tink she cud hear
we? Why we don’t talk about my plan to use these professional protestors as
front line fighters? I was a Brigadero yuh know! And my Toilet paper
distraction plan also has merit!
GZ: El Chiefo….you and I both know that the Amnot Ally
Nuclear option is the only real hope we got of defeating the venoes and
preserving the grand and glorious cooperative republic.
El J: essentially yes, but my fear and I believe you share
it too, is how do we put her back in the box once we unleash her terror?…
GZ: El Wizardo, with all due respect, what choice do we
really have, we send her to the border with a loud speaker and one of her even
louder dresses, she got the “krazy nani” look down perfect, once she start
hallerin’ pun dem venoes like she used to haller pun poor Alicock, ‘what are
you doing there” “get out of here now” “I did not say you could speak”…well we
all know the venoes will crumble in the face of…well …that …FACE…. I expect an
outbreak of vomiting and diarrhea not to mention the instant death of libido… yuh
know dem spanish man like they C(redacted)ock, jus’ like we bai Hardman, it
would devastate dem ….horrible horrible….
El J: (shudders) when she returns victorious… look , it
remains the “NUCLEAR” option, we never speak of it again! , I am convinced that
we better start talking to Maduro before we contemplate that fate worse than
death for those poor men, after all , we men must stick together despite coming
from different countries. (shudders again)
GZ: well El Papas Fritas, there is nothing left to discuss,
remember to use the GDF to secure the “passa passa” pun the line top and flush
dem CG bandits outta South….
Prime Minister : All stand, El Cha…ahm, the borse leaving….
El J: PM…do something about the Rubis gas station shirt yuh
wearing…tek me example nuh, wear one color all the time …. Nah all color one time…
